the concert

Family on the Road

2011-12-03T21:26:00.002-05:00

Hello again! I’m writing tonight from a hotel room in Dallas, where B and I are singing a Messiah tomorrow. B3 is asleep in his little hotel-provided crib and B and I are winding down after a roller coaster day. We’ve had amazing musical experiences countered with the down-to-earth realities of family life. Our heads are kind of spinning...

I wish I could have pulled out a laptop and written a post in the middle of rehearsal today; there were so many inspiring moments that I wanted to put into words! We soloists are placed on a raised platform in front of the chorus but behind the orchestra, and from that position we are completely bathed in the incredible sounds created by the musicians around us. Our fellow soloists are top-notch, and the four of us have really enjoyed working together, creating ornaments “by committee” and singing along with our favorite choruses. (Tomorrow during the performance we will have to sit and listen quietly, so we got it out of our systems today.)

B and I really haven’t worked together that often since we’ve been together, and it is nice to have our most trusted pair of ears right there to encourage and support us. I listen for things I know B will want to know about, and vice versa. We can exchange a look that tells each other exactly what we need to know about how we did. On breaks, of course, we put those looks into words, and take the other’s advice or encouragement into the next performance. I love it.

(NB: Soon we will get to announce that we will be singing together again! Sometime in 2013, and in an opera very near and dear to our hearts. Stay tuned...)

The conductor of this group was a Masters student at UGA when I was an undergrad, so he has known my voice from its early days of development. I was a music education major when we met, and he remembers telling me that I should consider switching to performance. His instinct was correct, it seems, for here I am, lo these many years later, making my living - and raising my family - in classical music.

No matter what your profession, it’s hard to raise a toddler. They are complex and constantly changing creatures, with so many needs - not the least of which is a relatively consistent routine. My poor little guy (PLG, as we call him); just when he gets used to things being a certain way, we up and relocate to Dallas or Richmond or Atlanta for a few days. We have several basic routines that we do our best to replicate - morning, bedtime, naps - but so much is different. Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes I feel lucky (nothing entertains a toddler quite as much as a new place to explore!). And how do I know if his fussiness is related to regular toddler issues - teething, tummy problems, separation anxiety - and how much is due to a new environment? How do I know if he’s whining because his tummy hurts or because he’s still distraught from being apart from us today? B3 has been in a church child care situation while we’ve been here, and that has been brutal. He cries as if he’s dying both when we drop him and and when we pick him up, but he has a great time in between! I know it’s the sort of thing he would get used to if it was an everyday routine, but for now, for a short term arrangement, it’s just hard for all of us.

Tomorrow we will get dressed up a little early and go get our picture taken by the Christmas tree in the hotel lobby. Henry has a little one-piece tux that I can’t wait to see him in! I love having my whole family here on this gig; when I am alone in a hotel room in Hong Kong in a few weeks, I will remember this time and wish they were with me.

Even if it meant cleaning poop out of the tub.

Brave Face

2011-10-29T20:58:00.002-04:00

Today is my husband’s birthday! And he is in Macau...

We miss him terribly today, and even with our iChat videos we can’t manage to really connect and make him feel close to us. The internet is amazing, but sometimes a rough connection can make us so frustrated that it would almost be better not to talk at all. Henry is having a rough day, very clingy, and the weather is miserable so we can’t get outside and run around. All in all, it’s not a very fun day.

Or wasn’t, I should say. I started this post at naptime, and the first half of the day was really hard. But, as is often the case, if I set my mind to it, naptime was a bit of a reset, and we ended up having a really fun afternoon. We made pumpkin bread, Henry helping dump in the ingredients; we bundled up and shoveled a little snow; we watched most of Monsters, Inc. in several 20-minute segments. I’m waiting now for Matt to wake up on the other side of the world and praying for a better connection this time. It would be nice to see him smile on his birthday.

Days like this are hard. And sometimes I wonder if I make them harder by not grinning-and-bearing-it better. By not putting on a brave face. I felt awful that I couldn’t fake a smile for Matt this morning. But these days I am a terrible faker! When my first marriage ended, I told myself that I was through with faking it. Years of hiding my unhappiness and anger didn’t exactly serve me well, so I just said enough was enough. And until now, it has worked.

But now that I’m a mom, I wonder: Do I need to learn how to fake it again? To put on a brave face? Henry is a very sensitive boy, and while I never want to lie to him or present a dishonest picture of myself, does he really need to see how stressed and upset I am? Does Matt? Do my friends? My colleagues? Who really needs that information? Is there a way to maintain my honest living and not make everyone around me as miserable as I am??

I’m laughing a bit as I write this, because in this moment I am not miserable. Tired, yes, but not miserable by far. But I’ve been thinking about this this afternoon. How did I change things around for us today? I think I just gave over to what was happening, to the day that was unfolding. A day we can’t get outside is a day that Henry will need a lot of holding, lots of reading and lap time, lots of convincing that he is really tired and needs a nap. (Two out of three of those are really not bad at all...) So this afternoon we just did those things. And it was fine. I gave up on getting to the laundromat (in the snow?? what was I thinking, anyway?), gave up on getting any studying done (sometimes I can while he’s awake), and just gave over.

There is something to be said for that at work, too. Accepting your fate and just deciding to make the best of it. I guess that’s different than putting on a brave face, though, isn’t it? It’s not faking it. What is it? Making lemonade? Accepting? Giving over?

Maybe it’s just living the life you have and not the life you wish you had. I like that.

Update

2011-10-24T22:03:00.002-04:00

Remember the audition in this post?

I've been meaning to tell you that I got the job. :)

Better living through blogging

2011-10-20T21:44:00.000-04:00

The season has started.

In the past ten days, maybe less, I’ve gotten two job offers and two inquiries for interviews about my life as a blogger and working musician and mother. So even though I’m not really working much this fall (except for a one-night concert at an awesome club in NYC), things carry on apace! Guess I’d better get to writing...

The thing is, “my life as a working musician and mom (and blogger)” is tough right now. B (my husband and fellow opera singer) is out of the country on a gig and I’m solo parenting our very spirited (artistically temperamented!) child. I’ve been on the road with Henry alone many times in the past, but being home (not working) is different, not to mention the fact that he is very different at 15-months than he was at seven! Let’s just say that if “getting into things” is Henry’s job right now, he is at it like he’s up for a promotion. Keeps me on my toes!

I used to compose my blog posts in my head throughout the day, sitting down and regurgitating paragraphs of brilliant prose that had been stewing in my brain for several hours. But now by the end of the day I can barely remember where I left my computer let alone piece together a blog post from memory. After making and eating and cleaning up meals and snacks, reading dozens of books several times each, changing diapers, walking and running and playing inside and out (regardless of weather), cuddling, crying (both of us, often) and napping (also both of us), I am done. I barely have enough energy to log onto iChat and check in with B, who is lonely without us on the other side of the world. How am I supposed to write? What should I write? Many people have been asking me to start up again, but honestly...

I am not a “mommy blogger.” I will actually go out on a limb and say that I feel that genre has probably done more harm than good. Well, maybe equal harm and good. Blogs have become so slick and sleek as more and more people are making their living through them, but now reading a mom blog is akin to reading a fashion magazine: Do you feel better or worse about yourself when you read it? Do you look at the pictures and compare your (real) life to the (edited and Photoshopped) one on the screen? How’s that working out for you?

Nobody likes a complainer; I get that. But nobody likes a fake, either. So I’m going to try to find the balance. This blog used to help me work through things that were troubling me, issues I needed to focus on; it was a great place to brainstorm. Even now, after working on this rather short post, I feel a bit of mental clarity. I know it’s good for me. Maybe it will be good for someone else, too.

I still get the occasional email from a young singer who tells me that my blog has encouraged or inspired them. Even though I often feel discouraged and uninspired as I figure out this working mother thing, maybe writing again will help. You’ll have to live with a boring Blogspot template, though; the last thing I have time for these days is learning graphic design. So until I get some high-paying sponsors and hire a designer...

But this is me. You just get me. Real, unflashy, working hard to figure it out.

October

2011-10-04T09:42:00.000-04:00

So my friend LMB sort of challenged me to start blogging again while I’m out of work this fall. I’ve tried several self-imposed challenges of the “write every day” type, even starting a new blog on Word Press instead of Blogger, hoping a new interface would kickstart me. Nothing has stuck, and this might not either, but here we go in any case.

Yes, out of work. I finished up a super fun Figaro at Opera North in mid-August, and between then and early December I have no work. Well, I have a one-night concert event - a fund-raiser for Gotham Chamber Opera at La Poisson Rouge - but that’s it. Scary! Thankfully, because of my past work at the Met as a weekly soloist, I actually qualify for unemployment! How many freelancers can say that? I am grateful and not at all ashamed. :)

It’s a tough time in the business. I think it’s safe to say that most of my friends are in similar situations. Smaller opera companies (the ones that aren’t top tier like the Met, Chicago, San Francisco, etc.) seem to have shrunk their seasons to fit in the period from January to May, rather than filling the full school-year type season. Not sure why nobody want to do fall operas, but those jobs were few and far between. It’s a bit of an ego blow that I didn’t get one of them, but when I look around at my fellow “starving artists,” I know I’m in good company. But what do we do in these months??

All of my work this season is in NYC, aside from a short jaunt to Dallas for a Messiah (with B!). I’m thinking about taking on some voice and elementar piano students here at home. I would love to put on a recital somewhere, but that pays exactly zero dollars and requires tons of prep time that I need to be spending on my winter and spring gigs. (Lucia! In Hong Kong!! Yay! Over Christmas!!! Boo.) So, we’ll see.

In non-singing (or, should I say, non-no-singing?) news, I am quickly becoming a Pinterest addict. I have already implemented several ideas I’ve picked up there, and I am constantly looking at ways to improve or enhance our home and our lives. Great recipes, fun activity idea for B3, tons of organization and decorating tips. Love it! It has inspired me to pick up my needlework again, working again on a huge project I started in January 2001. My mind is full of fun gifts ideas for friends and family, and I can’t wait for Christmas.

** In typical representation of the way I’m operating these days, I started this post on October 1. Ah, well... So much for a 31-day challenge! But, at least I’m writing again, and hopefully I’ll find something interesting to say...

Genuine Perfection

2011-07-23T23:24:00.003-04:00

Today was one of those near-perfect summer days, the kind filled with snapshots and memories and awesome things. (The phrase “awesome things” indicates just how badly my writing skills have atrophied...) Among them:

* Walking through a street fair, in the sun under my sky blue “sunbrella,” wearing a polka-dotted sundress and red lipstick, on my way to rehearse my favorite opera.  
* Playing with our friends and their beautiful 8-month-old at the amazing Hanover Library. Beaming with pride as the librarians smiled at Henry’s little oohs and aahs as we made our way through the walls of books, picking several to bring home, knowing he will ask us to read them many times.  
* Coffee and snacks while catching up with good friends, watching our boys run (slightly wild) through the (practically empty) cafe.   
* Playing peekaboo on the bed with Matt and Henry and surprisingly them both so totally that we all fell in a heap, laughing til we almost cried.
  * A delicious meal al fresco: grilled bbq chicken, local squash and tomatoes, baked sweet potatoes with local goat cheese, a cold beer. Henry eating all of it (except the beer) sitting shirtless in his high chair, covered in goat cheese and barbecue sauce by the end of it. We sat together at the table after eating and sang songs and watched Henry learn the difference between the sign for “more” and “again” as he asked to sing “The Grand Old Duke of York” over and over again.

In so many ways, these were little moments of perfection. Instagram-worthy moments that would be proud to be featured on any blog about the life of a young working mother and her family. Summery, happy, healthy. Perfect.

And yet... Isn’t there always more to the story? Today, to be honest, there isn’t much more; it was a pretty great day all around. But I’ve been thinking about this idea of perfection a lot recently. Why is it such a sought after goal?

The reason so many “mommy blogs” rub me the wrong way is the way so many focus on the wonderful, cool, stylish, special things they do with and for their children. That stuff is great, but I always navigate away from those sites feeling a little unworthy. Surely those women don’t have tables covered with clutter, or kitchen sinks constantly filled with food debris. Surely their children put themselves to sleep with no fuss, and they never bite or whine because they can’t play with the iPhone. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they DO, but who talks about that? That stuff is embarrassing, right?

I’m working on getting my head back in the blogging game, but I feel like it’s been taken over with “perfect” blogs, stories of women living perfect lives. My life is amazing, but holy cow is it every far from perfect! I also struggle with the desire to constantly improve my life and that of my family - what to read, wear, eat, do - but instead of finding inspiration, I get so discouraged by all the perfection and just go back to the status quo. That’s my own hang-up, most likely, but I’m getting kind of fed up with feeling unworthy. Let’s have a little more reality, shall we? Instead of Hair Thursdays or the like, how about we all take snapshots of the messiest room of our house and post them every Monday? Or every Friday is “How my child ruined my latest plan to have Me Time” story-sharing. It’s not so much misery-loves-company, because I’m not miserable, but I am real.

There is a parallel here to performing, and maybe I’ll write about it more another time. Now I have to go to bed because my adorable and brilliant son still wakes up 2-3 times a night. But basically, it all boils down to this:

Give me genuine over perfect any day.

Auditions these days

2011-05-19T23:46:00.000-04:00

From today’s status on Facebook: “I have got to stop psyching myself out about auditions. I’ve been getting SO nervous these days and yet they always - knock knock - go well. I’ve got to trust more...”

I had an audition today for a company that was hearing rep for the next four years out. Lots of rep, and lots of “opera’s greatest hits,” which naturally includes many roles I am dying to get under my belt: Gilda, Lucia, Violetta, et al. Yesterday I sang through a couple of my arias, and things were going beautifully. I felt like I was singing lightly, without pushing or trying to make my voice sound bigger than it is, and yet the richness that has come into my voice over the past few years was there. High notes were feeling great. Even Henry seemed to like it. (There is nothing better than singing “Caro nome” with Henry in my arms, him laughing at each coloratura passage...)

But then this morning? I was a nervous wreck. I almost felt sick to my stomach in the cab on the way to the audition. What happened to the blasé auditioner I used to be??

A friend asked if I felt like motherhood had anything to do with these relatively new feelings, and I’ve been pondering that all day. I think the easy answer is yes, if only because the list of things I need to do in order to get ready and BE ready for an audition is so much longer these days. It’s not just about putting on a dress and praying for a good hair day anymore!

It’s harder to warm up well, since we can’t sing while Henry is sleeping. (I was just sure I would have a baby who could sleep through it, but alas!) I had to worry about the timing of feeding and naps and my departure. I got too busy with other stuff and forgot to feed myself, and so my blood sugar made me shaky and irritable. I was running out of time trying to warm up and review my arias, and the later it got, the more nervous I became and the tighter my voice got. All the confidence I had yesterday fell away with each vibrato-less high D or inflexible and imprecise run.

And yet how did it end? With me walking out of the audition room with my head high, feeling like I had not only sung the best I could sing today given the circumstances, but feeling like I was singing my best ever! What is this disconnect?

True, before the audition I had some time to collect myself and eat a Clif bar, as they were running late. I took one difficult aria off my list, freeing me up a little. I put on my kickass red lipstick. I chatted with colleagues and generally relaxed a bit before heading in.

But mostly? In the audition room I did what I just can’t do at home: I performed. I got my head out of the way and just sang and loved it. The high notes were there, and I remembered all my words. It was a great audition.

And it almost always happens this way! Why can’t I remember this in the hour beforehand, when I am freaking out and making myself - and my family - miserable? I never have these feelings for performances, only auditions. Is it something I’ve come to depend on, this dance of fear and doubt and the conquering thereof? Or is it just that I feel that the stakes are higher now, that I have more to gain and lose? I need the work, after all. Baby needs new shoes!

Who knows. I’m grateful that today turned out the way it did, and thankful to have such a supportive husband and smiley baby. We each, the three of us, have obstacles to overcome everyday, and we do our best to help each other out. It could be a hell of a lot worse...

Let’s try this again

2011-05-15T21:59:00.000-04:00

Hi, remember me?

Not sure I have any readers left, but I’ve been starting to feel like writing again. Rather than starting yet another new blog to “help me focus” my project, I just decided to just come back to the place where I’ve written successfully off and on for almost seven years now. I’m going to take a page from Tom’s blog book and just post when I have something to say.

Sometimes it will be about singing, sometimes motherhood, sometimes both, and maybe even sometimes neither. I don’t think I’ll do too much back-tracking, although the past year and half has plenty of material from which to draw. But there is plenty more ahead - not the least of which is our upcoming trip with the Metropolitan Opera tour to Japan!

Yes, we’re all going - Matt, Henry, and I - and yes, of course I’m nervous. We’ve had plenty of reassurances that we will be safe and that there is safe food and water aplenty. We have the blessings of our pediatrician and our families, and I am really starting to get excited. But I recently saw the list of company members on our chartered flight, and there are only a handful of guests coming, and only two babies. I was told that a lot of people bring family on this kind of tour, so I was really surprised - and a little concerned. Did we make the right choice?

Then I had to stop and think again. I am not bringing Henry and Matt to Japan so that we can have a working vacation, even though there are elements of that in this trip. They are coming along because I have a job in Japan and Henry is 9-months-old and can’t be separated from me for three weeks! Maybe there are moms who could be away from their babies that long; I know there are. I’m just not one of them. We are still breastfeeding and hope to do so until Henry is at least a year old; I don’t want to jeopardize that. Obviously I could have cancelled; I think the company would have understood my reasons. We would have taken a hit financially, but if I didn’t feel that we would be safe on tour, we would have found a way to work around the money. Once we got the information we needed to feel safe going, it just seemed like the best option for us all to go together.

If it sounds like I’m explaining myself, I kind of am - to myself. Every day I have to make choices about life as a working mother, and none of them are easy. Whether it’s taking my family to Japan or taking an hour at yoga to clear my head and focus my body, every decision carries consequences. Sometimes those consequences are immediately visible, some I won’t know for years to come. But I am learning to trust my instincts and to trust Henry’s resiliency - and Matt’s support! We are making our way as a family and I think we’re all doing a bang-up job.

Besides, other members of the tour may be bringing their families over for shorter periods of time, rather than from Day One like we are. There are many other flights to Tokyo and Nagoya in June! So, just because there aren’t many guests on this flight doesn’t mean they won’t be there. Right??

Breathe in, breath out; day in, day out... This is our life, and I love it.

Dear David Letterman...

2011-04-01T17:07:00.002-04:00

New Year, New Chapter, New Blog

2010-01-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up earlier than usual (meaning I set an alarm instead of just sleeping til I woke up). Had a good breakfast, showered, went through the somewhat elaborate routine to control my curls, got dressed, even put on makeup. And all the while I did this, I had butterflies.

Situation normal, right? This sounds like every other morning that I’ve gotten ready for an audition, especially one I was particularly excited about. Butterflies are nerves that, in my experience, are not fear-based, but are rather indicators of excitement and anticipation. I get butterflies when, as B says, I’m prepared and excited to see how the audition is going to unfold. No fear, just curiosity.

That pretty much sums up how I felt yesterday, but I wasn’t heading to an audition. We were going to St. Vincent’s antepartum unit for our 1st trimester ultrasound. That’s right: The Concert is pregnant!

It goes without saying (and yet I will say it) that this is going to change our lives in a big way. And not just our lives as people, but our opera-singing lives as well. It already has, in that I had to decline two really awesome contracts for summer work, and I’m preparing my spring roles with a mind towards the fact that I’ll be in a very different shape at that point! B is going to have changes come his way, too, as we agree that we’ll need to take turns, as much as possible, with the sacrifices and compromises that parenthood will bring to our careers. We’re not just two opera singers having side-by-side careers now; we are a family of opera singers! God help us.

The Concert has been, up to now, a blog about finding my way as a professional opera singer. I’ve pretty much found that way, and as such, haven’t really had much to write about for a while. But entering this new chapter in my life and career makes me think that I might have new things worth sharing, new things I might need to suss out through writing. And so, I’m moving to a new blog: Baby’s First Opera.

Now, I promise that this won’t turn into a “mommy blog,” and I’m not sure I can even promise to write more than once a week. Not every post will be about family, and maybe not every post will be about singing, but it seems like a natural progression for the blog (as it is for my life) to work through the trials and joys of being an opera singer and a mother. What’s it going to be like to sing Marguerite at six months pregnant? How is my technique going to be affected? How will B and I navigate our travel schedules with our home life? Can babies nap through their mother’s (or father’s) practice sessions? I have no idea at this juncture, but I hope you’ll join me for the ride. It will undoubtedly be unlike anything I’ve yet experienced, but through it all, there will be singing.

Hiatus, part ??

2009-12-17T17:51:00.003-05:00

So, I seem to have taken a bit of a hiatus again, and I'll probably continue to do so through the new year. Audition season and some family concerns have kept my energy away from writing for the past few weeks. We'll get through the holidays and see how things look in 2010!

Have a wonderful Christmas season and a joyful celebration of the coming of a new year!

Valmont Amateur Astronomy Group Recital

2009-12-17T17:32:00.003-05:00

Tonight at First Presbyterian Church in Boulder, CO! Come on down if you're nearby...

“These Fair Stars”
A night of song celebrating the heavens & supporting the VAAG
Anne-Carolyn Bird, soprano
Christopher Zemliauskas, piano

Sure on this shining night, Samuel Barber

Clair de lune, Claude Debussy
Jupiter has seven moons, Leonard Bernstein
from I hate music!
“Gold is a fine thing," Douglas Moore
from The Ballad of Baby Doe

* * *

“What good would the moon be?," Kurt Weill
from Street Scene
Son, Sergei Rachmaninoff
Nacht und Träume, Franz Schubert

* * *

A mezzanotte, Gaetano Donizetti
Ständchen, Richard Strauss
Die Nacht

* * *

“Ain’t it a pretty night, Carlisle Floyd
from Susannah

Intermission

“O du, mein holder Abendstern," Richard Wagner
from Tannhäuser

* * *

Mein schöner Stern, Robert Schumann
Mein Stern, Clara Schumann

* * *

Nuit d’etoiles, Claude Debussy

* * *

I wonder as I wander, John Jacob Niles
O Holy Night, Adolph Adam

Carol Sing! Please stand and join us.

O Little Town of Bethlehem
It came upon the midnight clear
We three kings
Silent Night

* * *

The Astronomers, Richard Hundley

Success

2009-11-10T12:35:00.000-05:00

I’m starting this post without a clear vision of where it’s going to end up, but I’ve had some encounters in the past few days that need airing, things that might be interesting to young singers wondering what it means to “make it” as an opera singer. So bear with me...

I had an audition on Friday (more about this later, but it was a far cry from last week’s!), and as is usually the case I ran into several colleagues in the waiting area. Audition Season is a fun time of catching up, a time for the intense relationships we forge during a rehearsal process to be revived a bit. It’s a time for the 1-minute update, a good hug, for congratulations and encouragments to be given. I look forward to the surprise reunions at every audition.

At this audition, I ran into a singer I haven’t seen in quite a while, and she said something that has stuck with me. She said something along the lines of “you’re doing so well, singing everywhere, I’m surprised to see you here, surprised you still have to audition!” Wow. I can think of maybe 25 singers in this entire business who don’t have to audition anymore! I feel like it’s as much a part of my job right now as learning roles and going to rehearsal. Until a singer is an international superstar, there are always going to be companies who don’t know you, new administrators who need to hear your goods and see your personality. “Success” doesn’t mean you don’t have to keep working, to keep asking for it.

Also over the weekend, I spent some time with a friend who has had a lot of success recently on one of his main projects. Lots of national publicity, lots of great press. It was great to hear his perspective on the process and exciting to hear about things that were in the works, but it was humbling to hear him say that he was far from financially stable (his wording).

I can totally relate. B & I are both working full-time, a fact for which we continue to be grateful, but we’ve had some hiccups this year and have had a few periods of touch-and-go in terms of finances. This life is never comfortable, not until you reach the absolute heights. We have eight years of school loans between us, and we both had several lean years before we started booking good A- & B-level gigs (translation: lots of credit card debt). Life in NYC is expensive, and we are both still studying and coaching. Every month is a juggle of paychecks and bills, and we have been lucky not to hit any major snags. But it has been close.

All this to say... Success is a very strange idea. Yes, I am successful! I’ve been booked almost full-time for the past four seasons, and there is more on the horizon. I get good press. I have a good manager. BUT. None of this is a given, it could go away at any time, and I am far from comfortable financially. Successful, yes. Set? Out of the woods? Resting on my laurels?

Not on your life.

Chart Madness

2009-11-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember this rather complex memory aid that I created to help me memorize the Act I Finale of Barbiere. The math dork in me loved the process of breaking down the music and text into a pattern and assigning numbers and letters, like a complex algebra problem. I carried the “cheat sheet” around with me through hours of staging rehearsal, and by opening night it was solidly memorized.

I haven’t really had opportunity to put this method into practice again - until now! On November 19*, Jocelyn and I will perform Hillula for the third time, and this time I’m determined to have it memorized. Judd has made a few revisions, streamlining the work a bit, and I love it even more. (There is also talk of totally expanding the work, into more of a chamber showpiece; can’t wait to see how that evolves!) I started spending some time with it to refresh my knowledge of the piece, and quickly realized that I was going to need a system to memorize this. There is lot of thematic material repeated, but with different texts, and several little interjections of material from other sections. It took me about three hours of adjusting and regrouping and relabeling, but I think I found it.

What I learned through the process this time was that these charts are more about the time I spend with the piece than they are about the final product. Those three hours of looking at the score and analyzing it and coming to terms with how it is laid out did more for my memorization process than this chart probably will, in the long run.

So, do you want to see it? It’s rather mad... But here’s a look inside the crazed workings of my mind! (#’s = Music, Letters = Text)

1 - Ax4ax5
2
3 - B(b2)Cccc’c
4 - D
4’ - Aaa
5 - EEF
6 - Gx4
6’ - eE
2
3b - H(h2)IJjx4
1b - BKL
1c - M(e)m(a)m
1d - Nnx4
4b - Ppx12

* Come check it out! Beth Morrison Projects presents a 21st C. Liederabend at the awesome Galapagos Art Space. The incredible lineup includes works by Corey Dargel, Caleb Burhans, Missy Mazzoli, David T. Little, and performances by David Adam Moore, Kamala Sankaram, Abigail Fischer, and many more. It’s a big night of vocal music, with lots of great stuff happening. Hope to see you there!

Tweetie Bird

2009-10-31T13:05:00.002-04:00

Just a quick note about Twitter: I've been really enjoying the ability to jot out a quick thought here and there via Twitter. I don't always have time these days to sit down and write a big thoughtful post, but I've had little things to share. Twitter has really fit that bill. It's becoming a good complement to the blog, I think.

If you don't already follow theconcert, please do! If you're not on Twitter, you can add theconcert to your RSS feed and get the latest blips and blurbs through your feed reader.

Thanks for reading!

Audition Lessons

2009-10-30T22:41:00.000-04:00

So... Monday’s audition will probably go down in my version of my history as the worst. ever.

I can not begin to tell you all the “lessons” I learned. But, since that’s kind of the whole point of this blog, I guess I’ll try. On the subway on the way home, I thought, “WHY did I mention this audition on the blog?! Now I have to tell them all about it!” It’s one I’ll never forget, but one that’s been surprisingly easy to leave behind.

Lesson #1: Sing what you have been preparing for!! If you’ve been preparing a new aria and you have a low-stress audition opportunity in which to debut that aria, do not be swayed by the fact that you might also be considered for a role in a crazy, sexy, rarely produced show.

I got so excited by this obscure sexy role that I let a chance to rock my new rep pass me by. Sure, in the coaching room two hours beforehand, both arias sounded great, but when I got into the audition, other factors (see Lessons #2 & #3) came into play, and I lost my focus. Badly. I should have presented *my rep* first and foremost, and let them see me and the other sopranos and then make whatever casting decision they will. As it was, I feel like I wasted their time, whereas if I’d just come in and nailed “Come scoglio,” I might have gotten a job.

Lesson #2: Know who your pianist is going to be, even if you are scheduled fairly last-minute for an audition. And if you are not 100% certain that they can play your difficult rep, DON’T OFFER IT.

I spent way too much energy while singing worrying about what was happening at the keyboard, wondering if we were going to make it. I wasn’t performing. I was thinking, and worrying, and I’m sure it showed all over my face.

Lesson #3: I can sing high notes after low notes, but not vice versa.

In the coaching room we ran through Fiordiligi first, to test my memory and make sure my tempo in the second section was set. Then we sang through the last half of Zerb, mostly just for kicks. The high notes were really there, and I was stoked. But when I got to the audition, I was so excited to sing the Strauss (see #1) that I started with it. When it didn’t go nearly as well as I wanted (although the E was pretty good!), I got tense, and when I got tense, my larynx raised, and I can’t sing Fiordiligi’s sexy low notes with a raised larynx. FAIL.

It was not fun. It was the only time in my auditioning career that I felt like running off the stage in the middle of singing. But we ended with the usual “thank you, thank YOU” and I went home. Disappointed in myself, but grateful that it was a small-house international audition and not a US house with colleagues of mine behind the table. And then...

I got home to a voice mail which led to a phone call about a potential job this weekend: a colleague was ill, and I might be needed to step in and sing a performance if she wasn’t better by opening. All of a sudden, the terrible audition is a thing of the past! We are moving forward here, people! No time to sulk; life, and opera, goes on.

The company ended up not needing me*, but the effect was as big as if I’d done the gig. I was reminded that all things, good and bad, pass. That audition was over and I couldn’t do anything about it, so I might as well move on. The rest of week was filled with other reminders that I am more than one bad audition. Great rehearsals, job possiblities, good singing, and most importantly: putting more auditions on the calendar.

There is always something to learn (or to be reminded of) in this business; we are never done. And there is always another audition.

*This is a good thing. While it would be a great adventure for me to step in last-minute, that sort of thing is very stressful on a cast and company, not to mention the poor sick singer who did all that work in rehearsal. Remember, we only get paid for performances, not rehearsals. I was happy for her and for the company that they got to present the show they rehearsed. Toi toi, all!

Bet'cha didn't see THIS coming

2009-10-25T20:32:00.000-04:00

I can’t believe I’m doing this, especially after the latest installment of Vocal Identity Crisis 2009, but I have an audition tomorrow, and I think I’m going to offer... Zerbinetta.

What the... ?!?

I’ll write more tomorrow after the fact. I’m not 100% sure yet that I’m going to offer it, but the audition is pretty specific and I feel like Zerb would best show the goods needed for this role. However, I haven’t sung it in about a year! I know I still know it - it’s easily the one piece I’ve spent the most time on that has never really seen the light of day. It has seen an audition or two, and I know I rock it, but I rock it for different reasons than most “Zerbinettas.” My German is good, my acting is good, my musicianship is good, my E-flat is... ok. But I can’t think about that now!! (And besides, this role doesn’t have an E-flat...)

Tonight I recover from my flight - lots of water and a healthy dinner - and get a good night’s sleep, then wake up tomorrow and see if the voice is there. I feel much more “in the driver’s seat” after my crisis and resolution this weekend, so I’m kind of excited to see what happens tomorrow.

Won’t this be fun!! Stay tuned... :)

Deep Breath

2009-10-23T18:39:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it feels like I will never know how to sing.

I’m having an unusually difficult singing day today, and for no apparent reason. But maybe it’s a good day to try to write it out, to see if I can get to the heart of things...

This rep shift... whooboy!! There is nothing worse for a singer’s development than for someone to tell you “Wow, your voice is really getting big!” or “You voice is so much richer than it used to be!” The power of suggestion is very strong, and no matter how present you are in your singing, it is way too easy to start singing bigger and darker and richer the more people tell you that they hear those things. Make sense?

So I’ve added new arias - and new roles - this year, and I’ve been finding myself getting repeatedly tied up in knots. I can sing my new pieces just fine, but then when I pull out a Debussy song for the December recital or an older “lighter” aria, I find that I have zero nuance. No control, no float. Like my voice is a Mac truck. Not. Fun. And more than not fun, very frustrating and discouraging! Things I am not used to feeling when I sing...

Singing has always been easy for me. Maybe not cool to say that, but it’s true. I’ve had good teachers who haven’t gotten in the way of my voice’s natural development, and my reliance on text and acting has always lead me right. But now I’m getting in my way... I’m trying to sing with a voice that is not (yet) my own.

Yes, my voice IS bigger and warmer and all those things people are hearing, but it is still my bright, clear, pliant instrument. That hasn’t gone away. It’s not as if I woke up one morning a year ago and had an entirely new instrument! It’s just growing up, maturing. (Add “fine wine” metaphor here...) If I let go of my easy high notes or flexible tone in sacrifice to this bigger, warmer voice, I will lose. Lose facets of my voice, lose years of longevity, lose confidence. This is not a sacrifice I am willing to make.

So... how do I proceed?

I get back to regular voice lessons. I haven’t had one in about a year and a half, and self-diagnosing is always a bad idea, whether it’s looking up “abdominal pain” on the internet at 2am or trying to move into a new Fach. I’m going to take some lessons with a soprano; all of my post-undergrad teachers have been men or mezzos, two summers with Phyllis Curtain notwithstanding. I’m excited about this change, and curious to see what it will be like to get back into “the shop.”

In my practicing, I keep it light but keep it connected. Avoid pushing. If I tire easily, something is not lined up correctly, so stop and reassess. Start my sessions with warmups and familiar pieces in order to remind my voice how it works. Then sing the new stuff with that same voice. If I jump into the deep end, I’ll only be fighting my resonance and placement, rather than working with it.

I stay aware of my body. Don’t look down (deep in concentration) when starting a phrase; keep the face lifted. Don’t curve the shoulders (another “thinking, working” posture); let the torso be buoyant. Practice in front of a mirror in order to keep those damn concentration wrinkles OFF of my forehead!!

In my performance, I just do what I do. If I bring this kind of mental activity onto the stage with me, I won’t be able to be in the moment with the music or my colleagues or the audience. I’m not falling apart; I can still sing. In those moments of performance, I need to just trust that and enjoy doing what I do. (Also, I’m not singing Marguerite tomorrow; I can sing 1st Alms Collector very well right now!)

Ok, I feel better. I can do this. I can work through this transition. It’s scary to feel like I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to remember that I’m the one in control here. Slow and steady and all those good things... and deep breaths.

Mid-Fall Miscellany

2009-10-22T18:53:00.001-04:00

A few things that are rattling around in my brain today:

* I was recently reminded of the responsibility we have as artists to bring JOY into people’s lives. But the reminder didn’t come through a recital or performance or anything opera-related at all; instead, it came through the group Improv Everywhere. Someone posted their Grocery Store Musical on Facebook, and after watching that I spent a good hour going through their past “missions.” The High-Five Escalator and Rob! made me smile so much my face hurt, and I imagine there are hours more smiles on the site.

Their “mission statement claims that they cause “scenes of chaos and joy in public places.” How cool is that?! I’ve signed up to be an agent... Stay tuned!

* I chopped off all my hair! Well, six inches of it, anyway. It was time for a change, I guess, and I was tired of wrestling with it to get my long locks in pin curls. This should be much easier in that department. I’m still figuring out how to maintain my inner (and outer, I suppose) rocker attitude with a cut that many people are calling “cute,” but I’ll come up with something. When in doubt, add eyeliner..

* I have lots of thoughts about Maury’s latest post (and not only because he mentions again how much he likes Hillula). His idea of getting pop singers to give masterclasses to opera singers is brilliant, and reminds me of a conversation I had with a young student a few years ago. We were talking about music, and he mentioned that he loved Feist or Death Cab or some other wordy indie rocker. He then sheepishly “admitted” that he often sang along with the music, and that he knew he should stop and should only sing “correctly” all the time. I begged him not to do that! Good pop singers like Regina Spektor and Feist and Andrew Bird and John Legend are good because they communicate. The use the myriad colors of their voices to talk to you, to make you feel something. Maury is right: they “connect bodily with their music.” It’s not about the pretty sounds they’re making; it’s about the music. Would that more opera singers would do the same. More on this later, I think.

* I got to play around with a Sony Webbie HD video recorder this weekend, and oh boy did I love it! If Santa is good to me this year, expect to see some video blogs in the future! Or, now that I think of it, I could just use my Photo Booth on my Mac... I couldn’t go on location like we did this weekend (documenting our search for a tv airing the Giants game), but I could get some thoughts down. What do you think?

* And speaking of movies, a few weeks ago B and I went to a screening of this documentary: BRATS: Our Journey Home. I’ve mentioned my “brattiness” a couple times on the blog; it’s always been part of who I am. But I don’t think I realized how much I identified as a Brat, how much it influenced who I am today. I’m not “from” anywhere, but thanks to this film I’ve realized that I belong.

If you or anyone you know is or was a Brat, do not miss this film. Order a dvd if that’s the only way to see it. You will not be sorry.

* A reminder that if you’d like to be on my mailing list, please sign up by sending me an email. (Go to my Profile and click “Email.”)

In Room Dining

2009-10-14T21:14:00.003-04:00

This week I am technically “on the road” but not for my own gig - I’m visiting B! We continue to be lucky with the timing of our gigs, having yet to go longer than three weeks without face-time. I’m in the middle of a two-week break at the Met, so I’m here in Ohio, doing my studying and role prep at the Marriott instead of in my apartment. Being away from my office and kitchen for ten days is a small price to pay for the luxury of hanging out with my husband, sharing our daily lives in person instead of over the phone.

That said... we both are missing that kitchen! I’ve eaten well when staying in hotels for a few days here and there, (I learned years ago that I could open a ripe avocado with a hotel key card...) but we’re here for a few weeks. Our hotel suite has a mini-fridge and a microwave, so B and I have been getting creative with our cooking, seeing as how a) take-out options are limited in cities that aren’t New York, and b) we are not made of money. Thank god there is a Trader Joe’s nearby, so B was able to stock up on sandwich makings, fruit, pre-cooked rice & lentils, and a few high-quality pre-made meals before I got here. I brought a few things from home when I arrived a week later, including a big microwave-safe bowl and some plastic wrap, and we’ve been brainstorming ever since.

Last night we ate a pork tenderloin and roasted Brussels sprouts - all made in the microwave! Just kidding. Those I made at home on Monday night and carried on the plane. It was delicious! A little microwaved polenta on the side and we ate like kings. The front desk downstairs has free cookies every afternoon, so today we made sure to go grab a couple for tonight’s dessert. Free is good!

I put out an APB on Facebook for my friends’ best “hotel cooking” ideas, and got some great ones: baked potatoes & veggies, wilted spinach salad, a simple chicken soup, even a variation on an Egg McMuffin! Great ideas, all, and we will certainly be using them. Thanks to SH, SS, PDB, LAM, CC, & MP! I also got an incredibly detailed gourmet option from my friend CO; here’s is a sample:
5. Dice one small shallot into the coffee maker. Load two to four sprigs of fresh thyme into the filter basket without a filter, then run 1 cup of cream and 1 teaspoon of lemon juice through the coffee maker together. Season with salt and pepper, and allow the sauce to reduce over the hot plate for 15 to 20 minutes. Just before serving, add 1 tablespoon diced butter and swirl to melt. (Note: Coffee maker will require heavy cleaning afterward.)
Brilliant! You can tell that many of my friends have spent months and months living on the road...

Tonight I went a bit more simply: pasta with salmon and sugar snap peas, which is really just a fancy way to say “mac & cheese with canned salmon and whatever veggie we could find on the side.” The only real trick was draining the pasta, so I got creative with a paper bowl:
Could have used a few more holes, but it got the job done! I had to use two socks as hot pads; that microwave-safe bowl still got pretty damn hot. A box of TJ’s mac&cheese can be dressed up pretty well with some canned salmon, and who doesn’t love fresh sugar snap peas? A sprinkling of pepper from the S&P shakers that B swiped from a room service tray in the hall, and voila! Dinner is served.
Bon appetit!

The Fun Theory

2009-10-10T01:21:00.000-04:00

A bit of brilliance, via my friend MI:

Love it!

Sidebar pic

2009-10-09T16:33:00.003-04:00

I've gotten a couple questions about my current sidebar photo, so I thought I'd explain. I'm not able to post pics in costume from backstage at the Met, so rather than a pic from my current show I thought I'd show me backstage several years ago. Several years ago!

This is the first "backstage experience" that I can remember. I was eight years old, dancing with the children's corps at the Chicago City Ballet. The only thing I remember about being onstage is that I couldn't wear my glasses, so everything was very blurry. But backstage was a different story! I loved putting on my makeup with my fellow "mothbeetles" - blue eyes and pink cheeks and lips, very glamorous - and watching the "big girls" doing their own hair. Of course I loved watching the ballerinas, too, in awe of their long legs and beautiful arms.

It was the beginning of a life-long love of being in a theater, and I am grateful that my parents gave me that experience.

In the Night

2009-10-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

I think everybody knows how much I love programming a recital, and this astronomy program has been no exception. I keep calling it “the astronomy recital” because it is for an astronomy group, but it is obviously more of a night-themed program, and I’m loving how it is shaping up.

There are practical as well as artistic elements to consider this time around. Since the program is in Boulder and Jocelyn is unable to travel with me this time, I will be using two wonderful local pianists. We’re still figuring out how to divide up the program, and I’m trying to select music that we already know or will have a fairly easy time putting together. B will also be singing a few pieces! I’m still on the lookout for a good night-themed duet, so keep those ideas coming. (I’m using several of the ideas that I’ve gotten from comments and on Twitter! Thanks for your help!)

On the (much more enjoyable) artistic side, I’ve divided the program into four sets, each with 3-4 songs and an aria that center on a theme. The first half of the program will focus on things in the sky - Stars & Planets and The Moon - while the second half deals with the less tangible aspects of “the night” - Seduction & Romance and Dreams.

That last set theme was the last to make itself clear to me, and in truth, that didn’t happen until I received a comment on my last post. I had asked for help with determining this last set via a Twitter post, asking if maybe “dreams or dreaming” would work. I knew I was thinking something about the way we dream when we look at the sky as well as the dreams we dream when we sleep, but this reader summed it up perfectly:

I like the dreams theme. Not referring to the dreams one has while sleeping but the dreams one has while looking at the night sky. The vast expanse of sky, the limitless boundaries for the imagination to explore, the incomprehensible beauty, the possibility of finding something new. Maybe I'm being naively romantic but I think that's what astronomers dream about every time they look up - as maybe the rest of us do too. Astronomers may talk about "Star e4.632056" and all sorts of technical stuff but I'd bet underneath that they're all hopeless dreamers.

I mentioned Nacht und Traume the other day because when it ends with:

"They listen with delight,
cry out when day awakens;
Come back, Holy Night!
Sweet dreams,come back!"

I thought that might sum up the feelings of astronomers everywhere. Listening to the night sky, disappointed when the sun rises, and wishing the stars would remain above so they could continue looking up and dreaming.

Pretty cool, right? I got chills when I read it, realizing that s/he said exactly what I wanted to express in this final set. I am thrilled to have had such wonderful help with this program! Thank you, twelvethoughts, where ever you may be...

I feel like I have most of the program set, but I’m still hunting for the right aria for the Seduction & Romance set. It could for be soprano or bass-baritone, or maybe an opera duet, but it has to be sexy! Should be an obvious choice out there somewhere, but I’m drawing a blank. Send me your ideas! I won’t be sharing the final program until close to the recital date (mid-December), but it will be worth the wait...

Baby steps

2009-10-06T18:24:00.000-04:00

I’ve got a lot of free time these days. A lot. Now that Nozze is up and running, and we haven’t yet started Angelica, my days are pretty much free until the end of the month. And nothing prevents me from getting work done like free time!

I don’t know what it is, but I sure am productive when I am forced to structure my work time around rehearsals and appointments and such. Then, when my days free up and I think “I’ve got plenty of time to work on my projects!” I don’t get a thing done! Please tell me I’m not the only one...

Today I was determined not to get to 6pm and realize I’d accomplished nothing with my day except a trip to the gym and several laps around my internet entertainment course. In the past, I’ve started the day with a general statement like “Today I’m going to work on my recital program.” And, sure enough, I don’t crack a score or research a single song.

(Maybe it’s the naming of broad goals that freaks me out. A few weeks ago, when I told B that I wanted to lose five pounds in the next three weeks, I promptly stopped going to the gym. Not helpful, Bird! Once I forgot about the weight goal, once I was only thinking about getting exercise cuz I feel better when I do, I was back at the gym, enjoying my workouts. What does it mean?!)

So this morning tried a different approach and set small goals for my day:
*work for (at least) 30 minutes on Hillula, getting reacquainted with the score
*work for (at least) an hour on programming rep for the Astronomy recital
*work for (at least) 30 minutes on arias

Here is it, 6:00, and I’ve accomplished 2 out of 3! (I’ll get to those arias before dinner, though, I’m sure of it.) And it wasn’t drudgery, either; I spent more than the allotted time on each task. I love my work, and I’m always puzzled why I don’t jump out of bed ready to hit the books. Whatever the reason, I seem to have discovered something today about how to address my free time, and I’m excited to observe the results!

Opera Journal

2009-09-30T13:39:00.005-04:00

Before we headed out to Aida last night, I realized that I was going to be adding a new opera to my “list” of works I’ve seen. I’d never actually written them all down, though, so this morning I’ve been going through my memory (and opera company archive websites), and I think I’ve come up with most of them: 67! Not bad, I think.

Do any of you do this? Maury? JSU? What’s your “number?”

Here’s my list, to be updated as time goes by. I’ve put a star by works in which I’ve also performed in some capacity. (Ugh: the formatting is a mess; stay tuned...)

Adams The Death of Klinghoffer
Ades The Tempest
Barber Antony and Cleopatra
Beethoven Fidelio
Bernstein Candide*
Bizet Carmen
Blow Venus & Adonis*
Britten Midsummer Night’s Dream*
Peter Grimes*
Albert Herring
The Turn of the Screw
Charpentier Louise*
Donizetti Don Pasquale
La Fille du Regiment
Lucia di Lammermoor
L’elisir d’amore*
Glass Satyagraha
Gluck Iphigenie en Tauride
Golijov Ainadamar*
Handel Agrippina
Heggie The End of the Affair
Humperdinck Hansel und Gretel*
Janacek Jenufa
Katya Kabanova
Levy Mourning Becomes Electra
Martin y Soler Una Cosa Rara
Massenet Manon
Thais
Cendrillon*
Menotti Amahl & the Night Visitors
Mozart Die Zauberflote*
Abduction from the Seraglio
Cosi fan Tutti
Lucio Silla
Le Nozze di Figaro*
Don Giovanni*
The Impresario*
Offenbach Les Contes d’Hoffmann
Ponchielli La Gioconda
Prokofiev War and Peace
Puccini Turandot*
La Boheme
The Girl of the Golden West
Madama Butterfly
Suor Angelica*
Il tabarro*
Gianni Schicchi
Ravel L’heure espagnol
L’enfant et les sortileges
Rossini Il barbiere di Siviglia*
L’italiana in Algiers
Strauss, J Die Fledermaus
Strauss, R Ariadne auf Naxos*
Die Aegyptische Helena
Salome
Sullivan The Mikado*
The Pirates of Penzance
Tchaikovsky Eugene Onegin
Ullmann Der Kaiser von Atlantis*
Verdi La Traviata
Aida
Macbeth*
Rigoletto
Don Carlo
Wagner Die Walkure
Tristan und Isolde
Parsifal

A singer who acts

2009-09-30T13:18:00.002-04:00

Last night B and I went to the final dress rehearsal of Aida, and I can not tell you what an incredible revelation it was for me.

There is a lot of talk around NYC and around the blogosphere these days about traditions in opera and new productions and the vices and virtues of each. I don’t really want to weigh in on that aspect (especially considering that much of the buzz is centered around my current place of employment), but last night was my first real exposure to “grand opera,” and it was amazing.

It sounds strange to say this about an opera that boasted 200 extras and five horses and ballet dancers and lavish costumes, but there was something so pure about what I saw on stage last night. The singing was spectacular! The principal artists used their voices and talents to serve the music, and in the end I was moved to tears. People started applauding before the curtain closed or the music ended, but I could only sit there, stunned by how I was feeling.

I felt like I had really seen “an opera.” Not a movie, or even a play. The music - and , therefore, the singing - was the most important thing on that stage last night. As someone who came to opera through my love of theater, I’m embarrassed to say that I think I forget that sometimes.

This is not to say there was no acting last night; far from it! But the singers’ energies were so focused. They weren’t flailing about onstage trying to show us how upset or happy they were; they just sang. They had a quietness of body* that I find elusive at times.

I worry that with a part like Marguerite, a character who is tormented by the devil while praying in church and who sings an intense trio (at the end of the night) after losing her mind, my body will get so wrapped up in the emotion of the moment that my singing is impaired. I need to remember what I saw last night, and how moved I was by the end of it. The music will move the audience, will make them feel tense and scared and relieved and sad. I am merely a vessel.

This reminds me of what a coach said to me years ago at Tanglewood: “I want you to be a singer who dances, not a dancer who sings.” With the projects I have on the docket this season, maybe it’s time I start shifting from an actor who sings to a singer who acts. A slight difference, to be sure, but after what I experienced last night, I think it is paramount.

So, how to do it? Stay tuned...

*Some people call this “stand and sing.” After what I saw and heard last night, I no longer think S&S is an entirely bad thing...

Early Fall Miscellany

2009-09-25T12:04:00.000-04:00

Not sure if it’s this late summer (early fall?) heat wave in NYC or what, but I’ve lost my steam a bit. So here’s a quick teaser post, hopefully to stimulate me to write as well as you to read!

* Opening night of Nozze was just as cool when singing Bridesmaid as when singing Susanna. Maybe even more exciting, because I actually had energy at the end of the night to go have a cocktail with B!
* Coffee today with a composer working on his first opera. Going to talk about the “traditional” delegation of voice types to character types - and all the fun ways to mess with them!
* Hillula, the first Bhakti Project commission, will be returning to NYC this November! Save the Date: Nov. 19th at the awesome Galapagos Art Space.
* Speaking of Bhakti Project, I am mulling over a potential new plan, one that would ideally involve several composers... maybe even a recording this time? Time to start summoning that grant money ”from where ever it is right now.”
* I’m finally getting a mailing list put together! If you’d like to be on it, please send a message to annecarolynbird at me dot com, or go to the Contact page of my website and click the link.
* Working on Suor Angelica (music and text), reading Faust, researching songs for the Astronomy recital, and getting to know Hillula again. Looks like we’re back in full swing!

The French Connection

2009-09-19T12:40:00.002-04:00

On Wednesday and Thursday, the covers of the Nozze cast rehearsed to make sure we knew the blocking in case any of us need to go on during the run. We’ll have one more run-through of the show on Monday, and then the show opens! Final dress was yesterday, and it went great. My fellow Bridesmaid and I felt like we finally nailed our little number; it’s harder than you might think, that two page ditty! We settled into the tempo right away and finally got the bounciness and space that the conductor was wanting. It’s great to feel like we’re on top of things before opening night!

During the cover rehearsals, I was happy to be on my feet revisiting Barbarina. As we ran my short little scenes, I was surprised at how easily the recit was flowing! I remembered my stumbling two years ago when I was first trying to get Susanna in my mouth, and was comforted by the realization that maybe Italian recit is like a bicycle: once you learn how to sing it, you’ll never forget.

I’ve now done principal roles in three Italian operas in four productions, including my second time around with Susanna this past March. I can honestly say that I feel completely at home in the language, and as I’m working on new arias and roles in the years to come it will not be an issue. A wonderful place to get to!

But now? Time to start the entire “getting comfortable” process all over again... On to French!

Time to read the play and a few synopses.
Time to spend hours pouring over the Nico Castel libretto translation book and then more hours with the French-English dictionary making up the worksheets that I will carry around in my bag for the next few months.
Time to repeat lines of text over and over again to feel how those French vowels and consonants fit in my mouth.

If you see me mumbling to myself on the subway, I'm not crazy, I'm just studying...

Here we go!

Split Personality

2009-09-16T13:29:00.002-04:00

Ok, ok - so I say “I”m back” and then I take ten days off. Lame, I know, but I’ve been kind of at a loss as to how to write about my current working situation.

You see, I’m back at the Met right now, singing a tiny role in Nozze di Figaro and covering Barbarina. It’s been a very strange and, frankly, humbling experience, and I haven’t been sure how to write about it without seeming snobby or ungrateful. I’m still not sure, honestly, but if this blog is about an honest look into my career, I need to try. Bear with me...

It happened like this: when I sang for the Met last winter, they were pretty quick to offer me a great contract with roles and covers that were a clear “step up” from my contract two seasons ago. I was thrilled, obviously, and especially happy to think that they were starting to view me in less of a Solo Bit capacity, and moving me into Supporting territory (even Featured, as in the case of Naiad). Awesome! A step in the right direction.

Then we got an email asking if I would also be available to cover Barbarina and sing a few performances of the soprano Bridesmaid. I was so confused! What happened to my forward progress? I’ve already performed Barbarina, so why would they want me to cover it? How did this offer make sense with the first one?!

At the time, I had a conflicting hold on my schedule for a principal role, so my managers called the holding company to let them know it was time to “fish or cut bait,” as my father would say. They cut bait, sadly, so I was free to accept the additional offer from the Met. (Ironically, the company then called two months later and asked if I was available again. Grr!)

Now, you may be asking why we didn’t just turn down the addendum offer from the Met. I asked that question myself! But the Met is a complicated machine, with MANY working parts that require many other working parts. One of the ways they make sure they have everything covered is to “bundle” contracts like this, particularly with the weekly-salaried singers like me.

In addition, in this financial climate with opera companies cutting productions and fees left and right, how could I turn down six additional weeks of great work? I couldn’t. I was - and am - grateful to be working.

But it has been strange and challenging in so many ways! While it is great to be back in the familiar and memory-laden halls of the Met, it is hard to shift from being the leading lady in other houses to singing a role so small it feels like an afterthought. My ego has had to take a seat for a while... I’m watching rehearsals of the opera I know better than any, watching two roles that I have performed and loved. It’s been hard to turn off the judgmental voice, the one we all have that says “I can do / should be doing that,” and just focus on doing my role in this production, but I’m trying - and succeeding, I hope! One thing’s for sure: it’s given me a new perspective on times when I know Young Artists were watching *me* in rehearsals and probably thinking the same things!

All in all, I’ve had to realize that I’m at a time in my career when sometimes I take the first bow and sometimes the last. Big roles, smaller houses; small roles, bigger houses. It’s all part of the same fabulous art, though, and, in this case, it takes place on the greatest stage in the world.

A year of Figaro

2009-09-07T23:09:00.001-04:00

I’m planning to do a full blogroll overhaul and introduction of new blogs, but in case I don’t get to it in the next week or so, here’s one to add:

A Year of Figaro

My friend Andy is singing four productions of Nozze and one of Barbiere this season, and has decided to take us all along for the ride. He is one of my favorite people, funny and charming and talented, and I am so happy he is blogging. It’s tech week for Barbiere, so hop on over and check out his adventures.

He happens to be working at Skylight Opera, which has been in the headlines this summer, as you know. He has some great posts about his experience, and is happy to be working there again on such an exciting project.

Go say hello!

Armchair Line-Judging

2009-09-07T22:20:00.003-04:00

When I married B, I had no idea that I would be gaining a new diversion for my “armchair work:” professional tennis!*

The US Open has been on for the past week, and I’ve been using the hours to start marking up my scores. In past years, it’s been a football-watching activity, and that will pick up again starting next week (oh, my poor Broncos...), but for now, it’s me and Oudin and Federer and Marguerite and Micaela.

I haven’t had to mark a score in a while, since my last two roles were repeats**, so I thought I’d run through my prep routine here again. Maybe it’s the wannabe stage manager in me, but I love the colored pencils and whiteout tape and post-its. Here’s the method:
Put tabs into the score marking “my” scenes.
Underline my text. I have never liked highlighters, and I used to just mark the beginning of each stave of music, but I have recently started underlining the whole line. I like to choose a different color for each character I sing, something that I think represents her. So far, Genovieffa is yellow and Marguerite is sky blue.
”Erase” the (usually awful) English version with whiteout tape. TEDIOUS, but so worth it to me. I love the clean look it gives the score, and it gives me plenty of room to...
Write in a word-for-word translation. I still have to go through the French version of this process before I can write in the texts for M&M. And of course, whiteout tape and translations for my scene partners, as well.
Mark dynamics and phrasing. Not sure if I’ve gone through this here, but the general idea is to circle forte marks with red, piano with blue, de/crescendi with green, tempo markings with orange, and accents & phrasings with yellow. I also mark the dynamics of the orchestra (all of them) and of other singers (if they are different than mine) so I can be aware of balance.

As with the language/translation process, I use these multiple trips through the score to get familiar with the opera. How do the scenes unfold? Where do the most vocally intense scenes fall? When exactly does my character lose her mind? The idea being that before I do any actual singing, I’m working with a fairly detailed knowledge of the score. The OCD teacher’s pet in me loves the “busy work,” and the “in the moment” artist loves the preparation that allows for spontaneity. Win-win!

Of course these activities will be much harder when we’re up in the grandstand watching Serena and Rafa tomorrow night! Watch for us on ESPN2...

I’ve even picked up a racket a time or two, and have dreams of being able to play tennis with B into our golden years. I still haven’t bought a tennis skirt, but so far I love it! Next up, some real lessons...

** Should I do a recap of the “year of silence?” Or should we just move on from here?

New

2009-09-02T18:21:00.001-04:00

For those of you who read The Concert on a feeder, you may want to pop over to the blog and check out the new look. I figured five years was long enough for the old design, and, besides, who doesn’t love a new outfit for fall?

It’s not terribly exciting, but I hope to change the main photo more often, maybe from whatever show I’m working on at the time. I’ll give you two guesses what the current pic is from... Shouldn’t be too difficult!

There are also a few sound clips up, finally, on my website: web.me.com/annecarolynbird/home/Audio&Video Mostly songs for now; I keep promising new arias for a demo, and with the new rep this season maybe I’ll finally get around to it.

I am also planning to overhaul the Blogroll (please send your new faves!) and Favorite Posts list. Maybe some better organization of the Archives, too... we’ll see.

Oh, and by the way?

I’m back.

On the “piano”

2009-09-02T18:02:00.002-04:00

In an attempt to focus myself and organize my study, as well as catch you all up on what’s going on and coming up, I thought I’d run through all the music that is stacked on my imaginary piano. (B asked if I was going to rename these posts “On the Current Project Shelf,” since that’s what we have here in Brooklyn, but it just doesn’t have the same ring...)

In order of appearance (details of the gigs to be found here):

Parts scores: small score excerpts from the Met for my small covers this fall: 1st Bridesmaid (Nozze), Young Lover (Il tabarro) (yes, I’m covering my debut role; yes, it’s weird, but the rest of the season is worth it!).

Suor Angelica: Two roles to learn in this one, Alms Collector to perform and Suor Genovieffa to cover. For those of you who have seen the Met’s new Trittico, either live or on a broadcast, you might remember a donkey onstage during Angelica. Well, I get to bring him on! He’s the basket carrier for the Alms Sisters, and I remember him being so sweet (if a bit stinky...). I don’t technically get to lead him on; there is a handler for that, but I’ll for sure get to pet him!

I’m more excited about the singing aspect of the Genovieffa role. The character is so sweet and has some really gorgeous lines, including a bit about how much she misses being a shepherdess. I hope to get to show a bit more of my range with this role for those folks at the Met who might be noticing those sorts of things.

Micaela and Marguerite: These two roles are the farthest away, but pose the biggest challenge many ways: first roles in French, first serious roles, new styles of music... I am starting me detailed process of score-marking and text exploration; I think you can expect to hear about Marguerite as much as you heard about Susanna. For those of you who missed it, imagine a play-by-play of how I learn and embody a BIG new role! Hope you’ll find it interesting...

Finally a **Request for assistance:** I’m brainstorming a recital program! My father is a member of an amateur astronomy group in Boulder, CO, and I have agreed to do a fund-raising recital for them in December. I’m in the “hunting and gathering” stage of organizing, collecting as many ideas for repertoire as I can. The theme? It’s a stretch: the sky! Anything to do with the stars or the sky or the moon or night or the planets... Got a favorite? Send it along! I’ll post a list of my collection soon and we can brainstorm more together.

That’s all for now! More to come.

PS Almost forgot: Tons of new arias! This will likely be covered in it's own post, but, briefly: Come scoglio, Margie's Jewel Aria, Micaela's "Je dis que rien ne m'epouvante," the aforementioned Juliette Poison aria, and - hold on to your hats - Violetta's Act I cavatina/cabaletta! Here we go!!

Out of Body

2009-08-31T18:02:00.000-04:00

Well, after all that, they didn’t even ask for Susannah! Oh well, it was a good excuse to get the aria ready for this coming season.

They asked for Juliette’s “waltz” aria instead, an aria I have sung many, many times - and an aria that many people hate. It is sung by young sopranos for many reasons: it’s not difficult (in the sense that it’s easy to learn the notes), the accompaniment is light, and it shows some flexibility and a few high notes. It is often interpreted by said young sopranos as a joyous romp through Juliette’s birthday party, nothing more than an expression of how happy she is in the moment. “What a great party! I wish I could stay here forever!” This treacly approach is why the aria is widely loathed by audition pianists and panelists.

Yes, it’s a waltz, and it’s her birthday, but what is joyful about
“This intoxication of youth lasts, alas, only for one day!
Then comes the hour when one weeps.
Far from the morose winter let me slumber
and inhale the rose before it’s petals are plucked.”
Sounds like a girl going kicking and screaming toward womanhood, if you ask me, but I swear to you that I have seen a soprano pick up a prop rose with a smile, sniff it, and then toss it gaily over her shoulder at the end of those lines! I died a little in that moment...

I put the aria away for a long time, because I wasn’t sure I could sing it with the necessary gravitas, but a couple of years ago I put it back in the line-up. I’ve been 30-something for a while now, and I think I understand a bit more the longing that Juliette was feeling. It was fun to watch my interpretation grow as I grew up...

And then this summer I started working on Juliette’s second big aria, sung as she takes the poison in the tomb. It is a very mature, very womanly aria which I love to sing and which will be making an occasional appearance this audition season. And - and this shouldn’t really have been a surprise - I think my knowledge of the rest of the character has put the finishing touches on fleshing out the Waltz. There we go.

As if to prove a point, at the audition on Friday I did something new, something I wasn’t expecting and, frankly, something I’m not sure is even “done.” The waltz ends with a cadenza, a long running stream of unaccompanied notes. This cadenza is kind of shaped like a mountain, building up to a quick high D and then back down again before rejoining the piano and ending with a big finish. I have always sung the cadenza fairly evenly; it’s entirely comprised of 8th notes, after all. But Friday, when I got to the D, I actually held it out, probably not more than an extra second, but long enough for my brain to scream at me!! “What are you doing?! You’ve never done this before! Do you know how to get back on track and end this thing without falling to pieces now that you’ve totally broken your rhythm?!?!”

Heh. I made it out unscathed, but those moments when instinct takes over can sure be scary! I hadn’t, after all, “totally broken” my rhythm; I just stretched it a bit. The phrase was alive, vibrant, and apparently it wanted to blossom. It was kind of an awesome moment, one in which my voice seemed to exist outside of me for a moment. I hope it won’t be the last...

Susanna/h

2009-08-28T14:33:00.000-04:00

I have an audition today, the first of the season!

In a funny twist of audition repertoire, I’m offering both Susanna and Susannah! The heroines of Mozart’s Marriage of Figaro and Carlisle Floyd’s Susannah share a name, but not much else. One is a feisty Italian who is always at the head of the action, either manipulating it or cleaning up the messes, literal and figurative, and who ends the day in the arms of her beloved. The other is a young Appalachian girl, pure and sensual, who is desired and misunderstood and shunned by her town in such a way that it leads to her ruin. You know my long love affair with Susanna, but I’ve also had a place in my heart for Susannah (keep your eye out for that H in this post!) over the years. It is a wonderful opera, with a great heroine with a great character arc. I sang several scenes throughout my schooling, but was never sure my voice would gain the required heft to make it through so dramatic a role. Well, here we are!

As I was warming up this morning, I was thinking about which aria to start with, and I’ve decided to go with Susanna. I know the aria very well, I have two great productions on my resume, and I have another already booked for the 2010-11 season. It should be a good introduction to the panel! (Although technically I think I’ve sung for them about ten times over the years...) If they ask for Susannah after that, I’ll have some things to watch out for.

First, character. Gone will be the crafty yet dreamy lover hoping for a good end to a crazy day, and in her place will need to be an innocent, wide-eyed, hopeful girl, longing to see the world. The Floyd aria needs to start without a trace of guile or desperation. In fact, I think the whole aria (“Ain’t it a pretty night”) should be sung with hope and innocence; the outside world hasn’t yet become real to Susannah.

Second, vocal style. Well-sung Mozart is all about line, line, line. Legato for days. With the American aria, I need to get back to truly speaking the text, similar to how I would sing a Mozart recitative. There are moments in the Floyd where I will pour on the legato, but not on every phrase. There are several chunks of phrases (that’s the technical term, “chunks”) that come back at the end of the aria. I need to remember to sing them the first time as if the words are just pouring out of my mouth as quickly as I think them up, without schmaltzy embellishments. Those can come in at the end, tastefully, of course.

It’s exciting to think about rep like this, to take two arias that are so different and remind myself of the potential areas for danger. Too much legato in Susannah will lead me to sing too heavily which will lead me to blowing the high notes. Too much Susanna sass won’t allow the purity of Susannah’s character to come through. A great challenge.

I’ve got more thinking to do about purity and innocence this season, as my three new roles are all wide-eyed wonder girls: Genovieffe, Micaela, Marguerite. The approach to these ladies will be very different from that of Susanna, Rosina, and Zerlina!

Stay tuned...

Tonight's Program

2009-04-04T15:55:00.002-04:00

University of Georgia Performing Arts Center
recital with Jocelyn Dueck, piano

Prelude
Henry Purcell: Music for a while

Sergei Rachmaninoff:
Vocalise, Op 34, No 14
Dreams, Op 38, No 5
Zdes xhorosho, Op 21, No 7
Fso xhotchet pet, no opus

Francis Poulenc: Calligrammes (1948)
L’espionne
Mutation
Vers le Sud
Il pleut
La grace exilee
Aussi bien que les cigales
Voyage

Interlude
Henry Purcell: O lead me to some peaceful gloom

-- Intermission --

Interlude
Henry Purcell: If Music be the food of love

Richard Strauss:
All mein Gedanken, Op 21, No 1
Ständchen, Op 17, No 2
Die Nacht, Op 10, No 3
Heimliche Aufforderung, Op 27, No 3

“Seven Deadly Sins”
Lust - Modest Maid (Marc Blitzstein)
Pride - Amor (William Bolcom)
Gluttony - Lime Jello Marshmellow Cottage Cheese Surprise (Bolcom)
Sloth - TBA
Wrath - Another reason I don’t keep a gun in the house (Tom Cipullo)
Envy - The Stepsister’s Lament (from Cinderella) (Richard Rodgers)
Greed - The Pocketbook (Cipullo)

Epilogue
Henry Purcell: Evening Hymn

The Bird starts tweeting

2009-03-05T12:40:00.002-05:00

If even Bob Edwards is doing it, maybe what The Concert needs is Twitter.

I have definitely entered a new chapter of my life, both personally and professionally, and with a total of eighteen posts in the past eight months, I think it's safe to say that this blog doesn't really fit.

Yesterday I joined Twitter after listening to the big NPR story about it, and this morning I thought: "Maybe this is what The Concert needs!" No more 300-500 word mini-essays about role preparation or life on the road, which means no longer spending an hour composing said mini-essays a few days a week. I don't have the time anymore, and while I have missed writing, I think I need to explore a more private avenue for that.

But I also miss sharing my career with people, passing on lessons or recounting funny moments or working out frustrations... So I'm going to try Twitter. A few times a day, probably, I will post tidbits about what I'm working on and how it's going. Kind of like a Facebook status update, but for The Concert. There are new themes to pursue: new rep (next season will see Micaela and Marguerite), being part of a two-singer household, and hopefully some new companies/states/countries to explore...

Maybe? I'll give it a try. If you're interested in following along, check it out here: The Concert on Twitter.

Tweet tweet!

And just like that..

2008-11-29T18:27:00.000-05:00

I’m home.

I got back to NYC on Monday, and after more than five months on the road, it felt great to know that I had only a few days of suitcase living left. B and I moved into a new apartment on Wednesday, moving from a hobbit hole in midtown Manhattan to a 4th-floor walk-up in Brooklyn Heights: lots of light, friendly neighbors, and a neighborhood full of incredible restaurants, bars, conveniences, and shops. The cafe on the ground floor of our building has great coffee and lunch AND a friendly shop cat. Not only that, but the daytime staff saw us moving in (we bought our lunch from them), and when we came back after dark, another waiter, who had not been there during the day, made a point to stop us as we were entering the stairwell and say “hello” and welcome to the building. Maybe he was just courting our business, but I smiled for a good two hours after that.

Thursday was spent giving thanks with the Brooklyn Birds, then home to put together some more furniture. B had rehearsal* on Friday so I spent most of the day unpacking and organizing before meeting him for dinner near Lincoln Center. Walking up from the subway into Verdi Square I immediately smiled: I was back! We had tickets for Tristan & Isolde at the Met, and I loved walking in through the stage door again, being greeted with smiles and hugs from security guards and colleagues. We made our way to our seats, and I was thrilled to learn that we had almost the same seats I had for my first Met Wagner experience. Great seats, but I wish I had found something a little more exciting to wear in the mess of my unpacking. I felt very boring sartorially... Nothing like six-months out of the city to get you of your fashion game! I’ve already warned B that a serious shopping excursion is in my future.

To complete our evening, we headed to the Village to find our destination closed and relocated, only to stumble upon a wonderful substitute. B has become quite a “wine guy,” and we have more than once found ourselves in deep converstaion with waitstaff about wine lists. Last night was no exception, and the waitress and host must have enjoyed themselves, too, because we found an extra glass of wine and a dessert sent to our table with compliments.

I was worried that I would be overwhelmed by returning to the city: the hustle and bustle and the noise and the fact that everything takes more effort here. But one after another, encounters with my fellow New Yorkers have reminded me that I belong here, that this is Home... now more than ever.

* More on this in a future post...

“Obligations”

2008-11-18T02:58:00.000-05:00

Often, when on a gig, we as the “stars” of a show are called upon to entertain at various donor events around town: Opera Guild gatherings or Board dinners or the like. I have always enjoyed these evenings, finding them a delightful change of pace from the day-to-day life of rehearsals in jeans and performances in costumes. A nice dress, a nice dinner (usually accompanied by nice wine), and a chance to meet some of the people who make my work on the stage possible.

These evenings are most often gratis on our part, included in our contract and considered part of our job. “Outreach” to the already initiated, I guess you could say. And as such, it can sometimes feel like a duty, like an obligation.

But not tonight, not for me! I had such a wonderful time. Maybe I was just in the mood for a good party (it’s been a rough few weeks in the parts of my life that this blog doesn’t cover, hence the lack of blogging...), but a few hours of good food and great conversations really hit the spot. I sang for my supper, sure, but I even loved that part. I love singing for a small crowd in an intimate space like this; our venue was a gorgeous home in the Phoenix foothills and our “crowd” was about 80 Guild and Board members. I got to sing Quando men vo’ and the Pamina-Papagena duet and Yum-Yum’s beautiful aria... and then I got to end the set with my favorite party piece: Weill’s “The Saga of Jenny.” Now, to be fair, those of you who know me “IRL” will agree that I can be, well, a bit of a flirt, and this song is just one big flirt with the audience! I love to sing it, and it has always been well received.

It felt good to sing some other rep, and was great to listen to my Ko-Ko, the elegant ND, but the highlight of the evening was truly my lovely meal. The food was outstanding: perfectly cooked halibut with a tomato-olive sauve, and scalloped potatoes with white truffle oil and shitake mushrooms. DIVINE. (B was very disappointed that I couldn’t remember the wine we had! It was Chateau Something Chardonnay, 2005 maybe? That’s something, right?) My hosts and table companions were beyond delightful, with tales of first dates and lasting love, being at La Scala the night an unknown named Maria Callas made her debut as Norma, rescuing birds from the mouths of Siberian huskies, and even some good-natured attempts to fool the Englishman at the table with tales of the Jackelope. It was a true pleasure.

We were told that anyone who sings under a Saguaro cactus becomes an instantly adopted Arizonan. I don’t think I’d mind that one bit; maybe I’ll try to find one tomorrow...

Preview

2008-11-03T12:16:00.001-05:00

Another little teaser post, I’m afraid, but this one with multimedia! On my first day in Arizona I was interviewed by the company’s PR department for this promotional video, which they had edited and up on their website five days later. It’s a great piece (with fantastic camera work, I think), and I’m relieved to say that I don’t sound like a complete idiot.

Arizona Opera Mikado preview video

I will say that I already disagree with myself, though! I no longer think that Yum-Yum in “conniving” or even that she sets out to “get what she wants.” Nanki-Poo is the one with the plans, mostly, even though it is Yum-Yum who saves his hide at the end of Act I with her silly nonsense-syllable attack on Katisha. She is largely an “in the moment” kind of girl, accepting even the most outrageous or seemingly hubristic moments as natural and understandable. Think of Giselle in Enchanted... (If you haven’t seen it, you must, especially in you live in NYC. It is so charming your head will explode.)

This has been a wonderful rehearsal process, one that has taken me back to my theater roots. We’ve got a full day today, but I will be writing soon about how much fun it has been to “read lines” again and walk around with a script in my hand. Can’t wait to tell you all about it!

"Dumb blonde"

2008-10-28T14:48:00.002-04:00

A note for everyone who has told me that Yum-Yum is "really just a dumb blonde:" Let me point out that she is, in fact, "right at the top of the school and has three prizes."

There is a difference between stupid and simple or naive. And besides, it's not nice to laugh at stupid people.

More on this later, as you can imagine...

Singing with a cough

2008-10-27T15:54:00.001-04:00

(Here’s another entry written en route to the desert last week. Things have been a bit unsettled around here, so I’ll get to current events in a little bit...)

Another trick I employed during Giovanni tech week (and performances) was my “cough drop trick.” It’s hardly original, I’m sure, but it always seems to catch some folks off guard.

I came up with this trick in 2006 when I was singing Ainadamar performances in NYC. I had the typical winter cold (I used the get them pretty regularly, and they would really stick around. Why I don’t any more is for another post...), and it had started to settled in my chest as a pesky unproductive and uncontrollable cough. I will never forget the moment... We were in the middle of Lorca’s gorgeous “statue aria,” when the stage was quiet and darkly lit, except for a light following Kelly. We “Granada Girls” were all grouped behind Dawn, with me just over her right shoulder. Kelly came up to her, and as she did, we were all brought into the light as they shared a wonderful quiet moment. And then it hit me. My chest started to spasm, and I needed nothing more than to just cough, loud and long. But I absolutely could. not. I held it in, eyes watering and body shaking, for what felt like five minutes but was probably only 45 seconds, until we all broke away and spread to all corners of the stage.

I should say here that this was a production where once we were onstage, we were on until the end; we walked on at the “places” call and walked off after the bows. There were no real “exits,” just small entry points upstage left and right. Our staging for the end of the aria fortunately led me in a big circle around the stage, ending up right by the USR exit! It was still dark on stage, so I slipped out, praying that my mic was off, and I coughed and coughed. The poor stage manager was so confused and concerned, knowing that she wasn’t supposed to see any of us for another 30 minutes! I drank some water, dried my eyes, and surreptitiously slipped back onstage. Only one of my castmates, and no one in the house - not even the front of house stage manager! - had noticed. “Crisis” avoided.

But we had two more performances to get through, and my cough wasn’t going away over night. How could I make sure this didn’t happen again? I might not be so lucky the next time. I had no pockets on my sleeveless costume, so nowhere to stash a cough drop... or was there? Cough drops are sticky, after all. So, before each show, I stuck a cough drop to my skin just under the shoulder strap of my dress. Whenever I wasn’t singing, I would turn upstage and, as gently as possible, pull the cough drop off and, yes, pop it into my mouth. Now, I know, I know... this is kind of gross! And it hurt!! But I never coughed onstage again.

I had to use this trick again during Giovanni, and the stage crew was endlessly amused watching me fussing with my cough drop in the wings just before I’d go on. But I also had an unexpected ally in my Masetto. (No, he did NOT help with the cough drops!) He knew I was struggling during the dress rehearsal, and he had seen me turning upstage more than once to cough and grab a “Ricola moment.” During the trio with Giovanni just before the party scene, our blocking brought us all far stage right. When Giovanni passed me to Masetto, DC whispered in my ear “Go off” and pushed me into the wings! I was a bit confused, but not nearly as much as - you guessed it - the stage manager! I got some water from the table and started to relax, thinking “Thanks, DC; good thinking! Now I’ve got about five minutes to settle myself before we all go back on for the party scene.” Except... I still had to finish the trio! The SM got my attention, and I got to the stage just in time to stomp past Masetto in a huff and take Giovanni’s hand to go to the party. When we all exited (together, as staged) on the other side of the stage, DC and I started laughing while poor Giovanni said, “What happened?! What was that all about?” Quick thinking from a concerned colleague saved me from another on stage coughing fit, and got everyone’s adrenaline pumping a little bit!

I’m sure this won’t be the last time I use this trick. I just hope I never have a cough while I’m in a costume with a high neckline...

Marking

2008-10-23T19:44:00.000-04:00

During the Giovanni tech week, I did a lot of marking, relatively speaking. I rarely mark when I’m feeling healthy, preferring to work the role into my voice during rehearsal, playing with the phrasing and colors as I develop the character. I always mark the first time through a new staging, since the important thing at that time is the “chess game” of staging (where I go and when I go there). Many of my colleagues mark on and off throughout the rehearsal process, and some never mark at all. It’s an individual thing, all part of knowing your own process and limits and stamina.

But not all marking is created equally. I remember being visited in opera class in grad school by a singer who was about ten years ahead of us in the business, and I still remember what she said about marking: it’s all about energy. If you are marking to save your voice, as I was during tech week, it is crucial that you don’t mark on your energy level. A severe drop in energy can completely change the way a scene works, both from the perspective of director’s table and from that of your colleagues on stage. Keep your face engaged, stay focused on the text and on telling the story.

The easiest way to do that is simply through the text itself: go for the consonants. It is largely true that most of your singing is done on the vowels. That’s where the sound really moves, where your voice is really engaged, so it stands to reason that this is where you’ll need to take it easy when marking. Consonants, on the other hand, use much less vocal power, even the voiced ones (b,d,g,l,m,n,r,v,z). By focusing your energy in this way, your text will still carry, which means your intentions will be clear to your director and scene partners, and your diction will be easy to follow for your conductor.

I’m on a plane to the desert, where I will greedily soak up the sun and 90 degree weather, healing body and spirit. It’s possible that the shift in weather might hit my system again, but I’ll be ready. There are no high Es (or Ds or even Cs!) in this role, so it shouldn’t be vocally taxing, but just in case, I know how to mark...

Zerlina wrap-up

2008-10-18T16:42:00.001-04:00

Singing while sick is never ideal, but sometimes it is inevitable. In this case, it turned out to be an allergy issue, rather than a virus or bacterial infection. I went to see a doctor on the Wednesday of tech week (Friday night opening) and came away with a prescription for antibiotics, just in case, but we both felt that they would be useless. Instead: Sudafed, Mucinex, Tylenol, neti pot... and boxes and boxes of tissures. I spent most of the week in bed, drinking tons of water and trying to eat enough to keep my energy up. B was on a gig about three hours away, so he came down on to see the final dress rehearsal and spend his day off with me. So much fun, hanging out with a miserable sick person on your day off! It was great to have some quiet time together, and of course I valued having his eyes and ears in the audience.

Overall, I was really happy with my Zerlina experience. The allergy/cough didn’t get in the way too much, but the thing that upset me the most was that my middle voice was weakened! During the whole rehearsal period, I’d been so happy with my strong mix-y middle voice (the notes on the staff, especially lower on the staff). But when one has a cough, the vocal cords get slammed together over and over, which causes swelling, which is most noticable in the range of the singing voice that is closest to speech, aka, the middle voice. Damn. I was hoping to be a full-voiced Zerlina, and I was happy with my arias and duets, but in the ensembles I just didn’t feel like I had enough “umph” to cut through. Meh. No great loss, as everyone has said to me “No one ever hears Zerlina at this point anyway.” (pout)But I wanted to be heard always!(/pout)

One thing that I loved about Zerlina was discovering endless ways of interpreting her character. Pure innocent? Opportunistic gold-digger? True? False? Some combination of all of the above? I think I played her differently every night, and I loved it. Now, playing a character differently doesn’t mean that you change your blocking or do other things that might disrupt the flow that your colleagues (onstage and in the pite) have established. It’s all about the language - being comfortable enough with the Italian words to choose different ways to say the line. All that work I did with Susanna's recits last year have paid off!

The easiest scene in which to play with different “line readings” was the scene before “Batti batti.” (Opera 101 Moment: In this scene, Zerlina is trying to make up with Masetto, her fiancee, after she dissed him to spend some quality time with Don Giovanni.) How many different ways can you say “I’m sorry. Yes, I messed up, but I think you might be overreacting?” hehe

All in all, it was a great experience. We felt like we really hit our stride - on closing night! Sometimes, you don’t want a gig to end so soon...

Why I love him

2008-10-15T09:45:00.001-04:00

Castmate of B: Does your fiancee have dark hair?
B: Well, she’s kind of got dark blonde, light brown hair... why?
CoB: ‘Cuz I saw a woman who looked like a soprano in the elevator today, wondered if it was her.
B: Yeah... she doesn’t really “look like a soprano...”

Rock on!

Congratulations!!

2008-10-07T17:09:00.002-04:00

To my dear friends Nick (fellow blogger and tour buddy) and Jeremy (Wolf Trap friend and whiskey buddy), who officially - and legally! - tied the knot last weekend.

Warm wishes and all my love, friends!

Sick

2008-10-07T16:40:00.003-04:00

It’s probably not a coincidence that on the first cloudy day since my arrival here, I should wake up with a cold. Terrible timing, of course, but it feels minor. With plenty of rest and lots of water and good nasal irrigation or two, I should be right as rain (haha) for Friday’s opening. Here’s to hoping...

I wrote the above paragraph this morning, and had all sorts of intentions to write about Zerlina, but I’ve pretty much been napping all day. I have two more hours before I leave for tonight’s first orchestra dress, so I might get some thoughts up, but I will likely be napping and feeding my cold. But stay tuned, as always.

In other news: I applied for my absentee ballot today! If you’re not going to be in your home voting district on November 4th, it’s not too late to get one and get your vote in. Sure, absentee ballots seem to be the red-headed step-children of elections, but this year I just don’t think anyone can afford to let their vote slip by.

More soon...

Tap, tap, tap... Is this thing on?

2008-09-30T00:41:00.001-04:00

About a month ago, Sid sent me a link to a post from a “really old-school blogger” in which said blogger perfectly summed up the reasons behind his recent dearth of blogging. It resonated with me so strongly that I vowed to write a “farewell cruel blog!” post that very night and disappear from teh internets...

We can all see how that turned out.

The things that struck me then still resonate, especially this: “...the stories I would share back then seem distinctly more private now. ...I’m just trying to enjoy the moment, I guess.” I think I’ve referred to this idea already, but reading it from another veteran blogger validated my feelings a little. Obviously, I haven’t been recounting the daily events of my life in rehearsals and coachings and performances this summer. But I have recently started to miss the blog.

Or, rather, I’ve started to miss writing. One of the things I have loved about my blog has been discovering my gift for writing. I feel rusty; writing this post has been a challenge! My flow is off...

So maybe this is a test post, not to see if anyone is still reading but to see if I can be like Stella and get my groove back. I have two weeks left with Zerlina, then my first Gilbert & Sullivan experience. I’m living out of suitcase for ten weeks in a row this fall, having my first adventures in extended-stay hotel living rather than host-housing. I’m exploring some new rep. I’m moving to Brooklyn to live with B (and we’re getting married!). There should be plenty to write about, if I can find a balance between living my life and documenting it. I hope so, ‘cuz if not, I’m going to have to start writing a novel, and fiction is really not my genre...

Bullet Points, August 08

2008-08-14T23:25:00.002-04:00

Ok, wow. When I said I wasn’t going to be blogging much this summer, I had no idea that I would go weeks without even a peep! I’ve had a couple of blog-related dreams this week, so maybe it’s time to check in. Rather than try to put the past month in any kind of order, it’s time for... you guessed it: bullet points! Maybe I’ll follow up with a Picture Pages post...

* It’s been a summer for blasts from the past. In Cleveland for my Symphony gig, I was reconnected with FD, with whom I first worked three years ago in Atlanta. Also in Cleveland, I recognized one of the flute players from my days at Tanglewood. It’s so cool to work with these top orchestras and discover colleagues who have won those fiercely competitive jobs. Congrats, SSC! Another blast (in more ways than one) has been working with TS here at Wolf Trap. I first met him in Santa Fe in 2006 where he directed my scene on the Apprentice program, my first encounter with Lucia... He’s been our director for Ariadne here, and his creativity and enthusiasm have been contagious. See below for more.

* The next blast from the past came a few weeks ago, in an email entitled “10 years ago.” GH, a fellow student at the University of Georgia, is now the director of a top choir in Texas. He was also one of the first people to encourage me to switch from education to performance, saying “I think you might just have something there.” We will catch each other up on the events of 1998-2008 when I sing with his group in December. How cool is that?

* Ariadne rehearsals are over; we open tomorrow night. You can see a bunch of pictures on Kim’s blog. You will see that my costume for the first act (The Prologue) is, well, a bit on the skimpy side at times. It has been my first experience with semi-nudity onstage, something I knew I’d face sooner or later, so I’ve been really happy to do it here, at a very supportive company with a great professional (read: mature) cast and a director I admire and trust. I was free at any time to draw the line, but this always felt like the “right” thing for the scene/character/world we’d all created onstage. But, in any case, I’m kind of glad my folks aren’t at this one... Wait until I’m naked in Germany and come make a vacation out of it!

* One more plug for TS: it was pretty wonderful to look out at the director’s table during rehearsals and see him smiling and laughing or intently focused on the drama. It felt great to have a director who was excited every day to make some magic! Before we started one of our final days of initial staging, he started rehearsal by saying, "I couldn't sleep last night 'cuz I was so excited to come stage this!" That, my friends, is what you want to meet when you come to work! It’s been a pleasure, TS; can’t wait to do it again.

* The biggest thing I’ve learned during this show, however, is that Zerbinetta is not in my cards. I’ve been trying on and off for an hour to try and sum up why, but I don’t think it’s a bullet point topic. I’ll try to get some thoughts down about our parting soon, but for now, it was a very amicable separation.

Some non-singing bullet points:
* New tunes I’ve been digging this summer: Chromeo, St. Vincent, She & Him (fantastic album), Fleet Foxes, Jason Mraz, Regina Spektor. (Many thanks to Maury for that last one; I, too, was late on the bandwagon...)

* The Olympics are awesome and all-consuming. But this is not news.

* I’m way behind on updating the blogroll, but for now, check out Sestissimo at Trying to Remain Opera-tional. She’s a great writer, and she’s about to travel to South America to sing Musetta in Boheme. Expect some great stories!

More soon. Well, soonish. But not three weeks, I promise!

An experiment in gratitude

2008-07-25T01:09:00.001-04:00

Taking a cue from Yankeediva’s plabook, I’m writing an experimental “gratitude” post:

I am grateful for the perks of this job - lovely hotel rooms with BATHTUBS and fancy toiletries and fluffy white robes - that make the bumps in the road - my suitcase not making it to my destination along with me - much easier to handle.

Today was a lovely day, in truth, starting with a music rehearsal with my fellow Ariadne nymphs. What gorgeous music we are participating in here!

(Side note: some of the staging so far includes some time that our characters get to sit and observe the opera-within-the-opera. Sitting there listening to MO sing, even marking, I was a bit blown away by this thing we do. I got an idea of what was behind that look Jason Alexander was giving us when we were singing together! Most humans don’t make these sounds, and when they are made well, as they tend to be here at “the Trap,” it’s kind of awesome.)

Anyway, back to today. Music rehearsal, home to finish packing and have a relaxed lunch with B, and then a fairly uneventful trip on a plane. No bag at my destination? No problem! I had just spent an hour studying Don Giovanni and imagining singing duets with B, it was a sunny but not humid evening, and I was headed to a fancy hotel in a car with tinted windows. Who needs luggage?!

Dinner at the hotel with the most amazing marscapone cheese spread, some studying, some TV, a blissful bath, and a goodnight phone call with B... all still part of the lovely day... but I’m ready for my suitcase now.

What exactly was I grateful for again? Ah, yes, comfy hotel amenities... ‘nighty-night...

**UPDATE** The suitcase arrived safe and sound around 1am. Serious sleeping commenced...

Studying

2008-07-17T00:54:00.001-04:00

Funny how much harder it is to memorize something that is not one’s native language!

Last year’s Blier recital here at Wolf Trap practically memorized itself, since all of our songs were in English. This year, the theme is “Tales from the Vienna Woods,” an all-German program. All the composers have ties to Vienna (Austria, not Virginia) and all of the songs are about dem Wald: the woods. It was Steve’s first recital program here at Wolf Trap, and the title is a fun play on the fact that we are in a “Vienna Wood” here, as well.

I have four songs, three duets, and four ensembles on the program (so does everybody else!), so I have been spending a couple of hours a day typing all my words over and over again, doing my best to make sure they’re in there. Thankfully B has been up in NYC for the past couple of days, so he hasn’t had to listen to me mumbling under my breath or singing random phrases for hours at a time. Of course, I still have to go through my Ariadne memory checks, so he’ll get to experience it soon enough!

Tomorrow we’re working through the program in order. It will be fun to discover, as we did last year, interactions between us as characters and singers. I’ve been appointed “Dance Captain” again (although Steve said there was never any question: “ACB simply IS Dance Captain!” Is that a compliment?), and there may or may not be some waltzing in the Barns on Saturday night. You’ll have to come and find out. Hopefully there won’t be any “wardrobe malfunctions” this year...

In other news, I’ve updated my website: web.mac.com/annecarolynbird. There are pics from Candide on the Photos page and a few songs on the new Music page. There will be arias there by the end of the summer (haven’t I said that before?), and hopefully I’ll get things worked out with the acb.com folks so I can have the old domain point to the new site. I had planned on getting a professional site done this year, but I like this one well enough that I figured I’d save my money. Obviously, I haven’t gotten the blog totally linked up yet, but I’ll get around to that. Look for pictures from Barbiere soon, too.

Tales from the “Tales of Vienna Woods” next week!

Energy, given and received

2008-07-09T11:27:00.001-04:00

When we got home Sunday night, B asked if there had been any talk of going to Clyde’s with the cast after the post-show reception. I think I passed out from the very idea of exerting any more energy that night... After essentially running the show four times in the span of 30 hours, wearing my 3-inch-heel show shoes all the while, I had nothing left. It was all I could do to hold my glass of wine while I lay on the couch! (Pictures of the gold slinky dress coming soon...)

If I had been scheduled to do another performance of Candide, I would probably have paced myself a bit more, budgeting energy and voice to make it through a run. But with a “one off,” there is no reason, in my mind, to hold anything back. I might as well give it all, since this was my one chance! One night for the audience, one night for me. I gave everything I had, and I loved every minute of it.

I decided Sunday morning that I was going to sing that night for CT the DT, now writing a new blog from her hospital room with her husband’s help. We are not as close as we were when I lived in Seattle, but once upon a time CT said she would travel anywhere to see me perform, and she often did. Sunday night’s Candide was a joyful show, a fun and silly show that ends with one of the most poignant and beautiful songs in the repertoire, “Make our Garden Grow.” I knew she would love it if she were there, that it could be a balm for her body and soul in many ways. And so, just before I walked onstage to sing “Glitter and Be Gay,” I closed my eyes and breathed in and out, sending love and energy and joy and the healing power of music from my little corner of the Filene Center to her corner of the ICU.

At no point in the performance did I feel nervous, not the slightest bit. Her strong will and good heart were nurturing me, and I was blessed. Next time, I hope she is there in body as well as in spirit.

Big weekend

2008-07-05T11:52:00.001-04:00

As is often the case with concert performances, all of the elements are coming together at the last minute. With our concert tomorrow night, we will spend this afternoon doing a room run, fitting Mr. Alexander into the minimal staging we’ve worked out (and trying to remember it ourselves! We’ve only had one rehearsal for each act...). This evening we’ll caravan into DC for the Sitzprobe with the National Symphony at the Kennedy Center; I think our rehearsal might be on the stage, which will be all kinds of awesome. Tomorrow morning we’ll do a sound check; since the Filene Center is a large (huge) amphitheater, we’ll all be miked, which takes a little pressure off getting those low- and middle-voice passages out. I’m never worried about my high notes being heard! God bless formants... Then in the afternoon, we’ll have a “dress rehearsal,” which will mostly involved checking entrances and exits and who does what with which chairs. Then... showtime!

Needless to say, I won’t be singing every line at every rehearsal. Having a fresh voice for the show is most important, but there will be a few other times I’ll want to sing out. I’ll probably sing Glitter at both the room run and the Sitz; I’m very confident now that I “have it,” but it won’t hurt my confidence to get two more runs under my belt. The room run will also be my only chance to try my blocking in my (very tight and slinky) dress! Gotta make sure I can roll around on that row of chairs as melodramatically as I’d like...

Getting Glitter up to snuff - or, rather, up to my own very high standard - has been a process. For those of you who don’t know the aria, it is one of the more manic coloratura arias, building in frenzy and ending with a series of sustained high notes, climaxing at an e-flat. Now, I think you know how I feel about high notes that have “e” in the name... They have been my Great White Whale. I still don’t feel great about the e-natural, but I think I have tamed the e-flat! As long as I keep myself completely in the moment, singing and acting, I’m fine, but as soon as I step outside myself and start listening to the note, the tone quality changes. Less vibrant, less supported. Having B’s ears here has really helped, as I trust him to tell me the truth and to help me navigate through any issues. Each time I’ve sung the aria, I have felt more and more confident. I think it’s ready to go!

I was lucky enough to coach this with Erie Mills, who sang the role under Bernstein’s baton many times, and she had lots of helpful and encouraging things to share. The one I will be holding onto most strongly this weekend is this: let the orchestra convey the mania of the piece. They are going to be blasting at full steam, full of energy and excitement. All I have to do is ride the wave. If I can stay relatively calm, Cunegonde’s mania will definitely still come through in the brilliant mix of orchestration and singing. I don’t have to add any real hysteria to the mix!

Wish me luck, and pray that it doesn’t rain tomorrow!!

Chapter Three

2008-06-24T10:45:00.001-04:00

I’ve been in Virginia for a week now, after a wonderful ten days with B (trying on a new role: supportive opera girlfriend. I think it might be my favorite role to date!) and a quick trip up to NYC for an audition. Candide rehearsals have started and are going well. I’m getting to work on my other summer assignments - a Blier recital and Ariadne - and starting to format my Zerlina text pages. B gets here this evening, and then the summer will be fully underway. In short, life as normal!

Except... I’m not sure where blogging fits into the picture anymore. I’ve titled this post “Chapter Three” because it feels like the blog is coming into it’s next phase, its third. The first was the beginning, obviously, writing about auditions and small gigs. Fresh-faced and naive and idealistic, I wrote about my life as a singer without really getting into the tough stuff, glossing over growing pains and hurdles on the blog the same way I did in my life. In Chapter Two, after my divorce, I wrote (and lived) with a bit more candor. Auditions and jobs got bigger, and I blogged my journey into the heart of the young new music community. Blogging was as much a part of my life as warming-up, as learning new music. I became “ACB.” (It is funny how widely this nickname has spread; strangers know and address me by it, showing that not all nicknames come from familiarity.)

I’ve heard from young singers that they have appreciated me sharing my journey, even hearing from some that they consider me a mentor. A handful of opera administrators have indicated that they read or have read the blog, and most have been complimentary, saying they’ve enjoyed my insights into “the biz.” I’ve made some really great friends through the blog, and I have given industry outsiders a window into life on and behind the stage. All these are results - side effects, maybe - of keeping a regular public journal, and I am grateful and blessed!

Personally, I think I relied on the blog community over the past couple of years. I wrote regularly not only because I had lots to write about, but because I needed a confidante. I never kept a diary as a kid (or as a teenager); this blog has been the most regular journal I’ve ever had. And even though I didn’t work through personal issues here (you heard only the faintest whisper of my NYC dating dramas, for example), I nevertheless came to rely on having a place to put my thoughts down. I have great friends and family, but I don’t talk to them everyday and see them even less frequently. But I could “talk” to the blogosphere everyday if I wanted to. I think it might even be safe to say that the blog was my primary relationship!

And now, well, I have a boyfriend. (Silly word, boyfriend, when we’re in our 30s, but what can you do...) I talk to him every day about everything. For the past three months, there hasn’t really been anything left for the blog! I had to force myself to sit down and write. I even entertained the thought that the days of The Concert might be over... haven’t I said everything I wanted to say? What else is there to share?

Time will tell. I don’t think I’m ready to throw in the towel, but I think there will be a big change in content, at least in the quantity of it. I’ll probably spare you all the “soup to nuts” entries of role preparation; I think I covered that pretty darn thoroughly with Susanna and Rosina! I’ll continue to talk about rep and technique hurdles and trials of life on the road as they come up. I’ll post fun stories when I can, keeping in mind that my colleagues are also “bigger” these days and have their own rights to privacy. I have no doubt that there could be lots of interesting posts on the challenges and joys of being involved with another singer, but I’m afraid I won’t be “going there.” I’m sure B will pop up in a post from time to time, but how we make it all work, logistically and otherwise, will stay private. Overall, I’m only going to write when I really have something to say.

Thanks for sticking around during this station break. Chapter Three of The Concert will begin shortly...

Off

2008-06-05T20:28:00.000-04:00

I’m going offline - or at least “offblog” - while I’m visiting B. When I get back, I’ll probably continue this somewhat scaled-back blogging schedule. I have felt my impetus to blog diminishing over the past few months (maybe you’ve noticed?), and I’m finally embracing it. Putting pressure on myself to write something insightful and special every other day or so was only making me more resistant to sitting down and putting my thoughts and experiences into words. I can be a little stubborn, even when it’s my own self telling me to do things!

For the next few months, you can imagine me playing house in this beautiful Virginia home, channeling my inner floozie for Candide, studying German lieder for the Blier concert, and style-hopping between Strauss and Mozart and Gilbert & Sullivan. I’ll be reading your blogs still, and I’ll pop up here from time to time with updates and stories. Have a wonderful summer!!

Here

2008-05-31T15:15:00.003-04:00

As I boarded the train this morning (early this time!), I felt a surge of excitement. My summer has begun! I am in such a different state of mind this May than I was last, and instead of coming to this retreat to heal and recoup, I feel like I am here to start a new chapter.

It is amazing to be back in this beautiful apartment, greeted by a massive thundershower and L&C's smiling faces. I can hear the familiar birds in the woods out back, and I'm already anticipating the assault of the frogs come evening.

But first, unpack. Then Trader Joe's, probably, and then reunions!! And speaking of reunions: I just peeked out the window and spotted my first white-tail deer. So much nicer than the dead mouse I found in my kitchen yesterday... Hooray for a summer in the country!

Pack

2008-05-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

That’s pretty much the only thing on my To Do list today. I spent all day yesterday cleaning and organizing, filing that folder of papers that’s been growing in my shelf, getting rid of a few books, and generally getting my ducks in a row. When I go away, I prefer to come home to a clean house, so I always clean a bit before I go. The longer the trip, the more intense the clean, it seems. My space will be dusted and tidied, ready for me to just slip right back in come September. I’ll be taking over the lease on my little hobbit hole, so my weeks between gigs this fall will be filled with painting and finding furniture and nesting (haha) in general.

I have some thoughts brewing about the blog, but I may not get to them until I’m settled in Virginia. I’ve got a car to buy, music to study, walks to take and friends to catch up with, not to mention a ten-day trip to visit B. I feel prepared enough for my upcoming Candide rehearsals that I might even consider part of that trip *gasp* a vacation!! Whoa.

NAR

2008-05-29T22:36:00.002-04:00

Not to be confused with the NRA, New Amsterdam Records is the rockin’ label started by my friend Judd and his friends. They were featured in a fantastic spot on All Things Considered tonight, and I am so proud! I know I didn’t have anything to do with their accomplishments, but it feels so good to see and hear my friends having such awesome success. Congrats, NAR!!

Listen to the segment on the NPR site.

And I was serious about joining NAR’s music networking site. I’ve had a couple of friends say, essentially, “Am I cool enough?” There is definitely an edgy side to the site, but that’s new music. Actually, that’s young hip people who happen to be classical musicians, and almost all of my colleagues classify as young hip people. So, yes: you are all cool enough! Maybe too cool, even, but that’s even better. You know you want it...

If you are a singer or instrumentalist, if your are in an ensemble, if you run a concert series, if you write music... come join the network. Even if you don’t consider yourself a “new music person,” come create a presence. Who knows, you might discover a project you’d like to get involved with.

My own bed

2008-05-28T09:59:00.002-04:00

What a joy to wake up in my own bed this morning! And the heat that was oppressive around 11pm last night broke overnight and I slept like a dream. I'm off to get a haircut and run some errands - when one is only home for four days, you don't do much else. Errands, coffees and lunches and drinks with friends, and pack. That's my life for the next three days.

I have a big thought brewing, though, so I'll try to get some writing time this afternoon.

The Dress

2008-05-26T15:07:00.002-04:00

Remember that Badgley Mischka dress I’ve been talking about for about a year but never managed to get a picture of? Well, here you go!Andy took this picture, and he told me to “work it;” hence the silly pose and sly smile. I don’t have on my lipstick yet, but you get the general idea. You can’t see the bottom of the skirt, but it’s a fishtail skirt with a small train. So lovely.

I knew months ago that I would wear this dress for these concerts; in fact, I bought the dress largely because of them (thanks, KG, for the tip!). To my mind, when I’m singing a non-religious concert with an orchestra, flashy is the way to go. Show a little skin, wear a bright color... be fun and flirty! When I asked the mezzo on the concert what she was wearing, she gave an answer that almost seemed like the punch line to a joke about the difference between sopranos and mezzos: “Oh, you know, I thought - orchestra concert, so something black, kind of simple.” hehe

She looked like a million bucks in her “simple” black velvet gown and sang a fantastic “I Hate Men.” With Andy and Nic in their tails and the actors in their basic black, I think we were all good representatives of our “types!”

Off the wagon

2008-05-25T11:38:00.001-04:00

Ok, so my 30-day project has failed in one regard - I missed the last two days - but it was a success in another - I feel like I’ve got the blog juices going again. I’m going to continue to strive for almost daily posting, but that may have to wait until I get back to NYC on Tuesday. I’ll be with family today and tomorrow and I’m not sure what the internet situation will be at the house.

The concerts have been a blast, and I have much to share about how wonderful it’s been working with actors again. But the biggest thing to share in this short post is that I finally feel like I have a hometown orchestra! I know I only lived here in Atlanta for a year, but I’ve had family here for over 15 and still have many friends. I saw two of my college roommates and good friends last night after several years and I’ll see them both again tomorrow; with one I’ll meet her daughter and with the other, her Harley Davidson!! She’s wanted one as long as I’ve known her; maybe I’ll even get a ride...

More “hometown” evidence: when one can be surprised by a backstage visit from her first voice teacher... that can only happen “at home,” right?! I’ll tell the fully story later, but it was so good to see him - and to have him compliment my technique! Always good to have a former teacher think you’re singing well...

I’m going to post this quick note before I lose my hotel internet. More soon, hopefully!

Facebook

2008-05-22T16:39:00.001-04:00

I might be over Facebook, and not just because I can’t seem to win at Scrabulous.

When I recently turned down a friend request, I said that it was because I usually “try to wait until I work with someone twice before I add them.” I didn’t even realize when I wrote that that, of course, I had added several other members of the cast; they were my friends, had become my friends during our rehearsals. What I should have said was that I try to become friends with someone before I add them, or that I try to make sure the relationship is more than superficial, more than the “insta-friendship” that so often appears on a gig.

But how do you say to someone, “Sorry, we didn’t really bond, so I don’t want to be Facebook friends with you?” How do you say, “I’m not sure you and I are going to “Christmas card” friends, so can we wait on the Facebook thing?” Or, for a different kind of request, “Hey, we weren’t really even friends in school, so why do you want to be my Facebook friend?” Or, “I know we know a lot of the same people, but I’ve never met you, so, ummm... ??” When I was a kid and I would call someone “my friend,” my mom would often say “That person is really more of an acquaintance; be careful which words you choose.” (Guidance like that is partially responsible for my love of language as an adult.)

Even MySpace is freaking me out these days: I’m getting fairly regular proposals from a guy in China (at least, that who/where he says he is) who wants to marry me and make me a famous movie star. Ummm... no, thanks. I think I’ll move my non-blog networking site to New Amsterdam Records and just be done with the quagmire that is MySpace. (Seriously, if you want a music-only networking site, hie thee hence to NAR.com and make a profile. It’s the wave of the future.)

I was pretty blunt about the online-friendship thing last summer at Wolf Trap, telling a lot of the Studio Artists that I probably wasn’t going to ad them, and that if I did it would likely be on Limited Profile. When I wrote about this subject a year ago, I had 20% of my Friends list on Limited Profile. That is now up to 55%. Over half!! And who has 329 friends anyway?! I need to figure something out... I’m heading into another summer gig where I’ll make about 40 “friends.” Oh boy.

In the end, there is no formula for what makes someone feel like a friend versus an acquaintance. That’s my call. I’m sure I’ll offend some people by cutting back my Friends list or by not adding them right away, but anyone who doesn’t understand my reasons for being a bit more private, for having a less liberal definition of Friendship, probably isn’t a real friend anyway.

So close, so far

2008-05-21T21:27:00.001-04:00

My boyfriend is on a gig in another state. We talk several times a day on the phone, send text messages, and spend at least an hour every night video-chatting on our Macs. Sometimes it feels like he’s as close as he would be if we were both in New York; sometimes it feels like he’s on Mars.

My parents and sister are in Georgia, spending the day and night up in Athens with my grandmother. Athens is about a 90 minute drive, I can’t get up there because of rehearsal tonight and tomorrow morning. Today is my mom’s birthday, and I’m pretty sad that she is so close and yet I can’t be with her. The Brooklyn Birds are getting in to Atlanta tonight and we’ll all see each other tomorrow, but I want to see them now. I want to hug my mom on her birthday.

My friend CT the DT is in Seattle. Her cancer is back. For the fourth time. In her lungs and bones and brain. We talked on the phone last week, and she has started another blog about her cancer fight. We are in touch, but we can not touch. And I would really like to touch her...

Until somebody actually invents a transporter, there really isn’t enough technology in the world to ease my heavy heart tonight.

Things that are on my “love it” list right now, or “Gerunds”

2008-05-20T23:02:00.002-04:00

Night guards who say, unprompted, “You have a lovely night, darlin.” Overhearing the concierge telling a guest about the tapas restaurant down the street, and hearing the guest say, “Excuse me?!” knowing that he thought the guy said “a topless restaurant.” The general - and genuine - friendliness of the staff here.

Discovering that I didn’t actually have rehearsal today, and so ending up with a “free day” that was more productive than many of my recent “work days.” Spending two hours with the Candide score, drilling chromaticisms and crisp rhythms. (This is going to be so much fun!)

Making contact with two high school friends and making plans to see them this week, both after many years. Knowing that my mom and dad and sister are in the same time zone! Making plans to see my Mamma on Thursday and planning a sleepover with my sister. Knowing that my dad brought a camera lens in his carry on...

Walking to the grocery store, knowing that most folks in Atlanta would take the car. Carrying home my provisions in my Envirosac. Turning off the AC in my room and opening the balcony door, enjoying the sweet Southern evening.

Having a fridge in my hotel room, and being fully loaded up with snacks. Finding Kefir and organic apples and my favorite Irish cheddar at the grocery store.

New albums: Marry Me, St. Vincent (buy it. now.); Narrow Stairs, Death Cab for Cutie; Talking Through Tin Cans, The Morning Benders

Dinners with generous supporters and friends, sharing stories of families and music and unexpected love. Being one of two tables at the restaurant; being guests of the chef and so turning your meal over to her. Six courses later, getting a tour of the facility. Walking home in the cool night feeling so blessed to live the life I do!

The Hard Way

2008-05-19T23:41:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago I was saying to B that I’d always had good luck with “cutting it close” for flights, avoiding long waits before a flight by planning my trip to the airport just so. We laughed about it and said that it was probably a matter of time before my luck ran out, before I learned the hard way that I should always leave more time than I think, rather than less.

Well, today I learned.

Late out the door, traffic in Manhattan, traffic on the expressway, getting dropped off at the wrong terminal... Any one of those things could have been surmountable, but add them all up, and the lead up to a missed flight. Fortunately, I was flying to a major city on a major airline, so I just got rebooked on the next flight, one hour later than planned. It cost me $50, but it could have been much worse. And next time, I imagine I’ll be early.

I’m in the same hotel I was in back in 2005 for the Ainadamar recording and in 2006 for the La Pasion tour. Feels very familiar and comfortable. I have a lovely suite with a balcony and a luxurious (hopefully not-too-soft) bed, but the hotel has no free internet! I can plug into the wall for $12.95 A DAY or I can go down to the 2nd floor Business Center and use the wireless - 90 minutes for $15!!! Unbelievable! I guess they’re used to business people with expense accounts. Thank god for unencrypted wireless signals flying through the ether. Hopefully I’ll be able to maintain my daily posting this week. I’m getting this one in under the wire... cutting it close, yet again!

Romance

2008-05-18T22:22:00.001-04:00

About halfway through the first part of the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra concert at Carnegie Hall this afternoon, I knew what I wanted to write about today: applause. But then I had an encounter at intermission that trumped my first idea, at least temporarily.

Yesterday I did something to my back, tweaked it somehow, and I’ve been in pretty serious pain on and off since then. It’s an old injury, from my gymnastics days, and if my overall core strength is diminished or if I sleep in a too-soft bed, one wrong move can set things a-spazzin’. Not fun. (For more on injuries to girls in high school and college sports programs, read this article from last week’s NYTimes. I was FAR from an athlete, and I still have physical maladies that plague me. I can only imagine what today’s hardcore female athletes will have to deal with unless they get better strength training and preventative care.)

ANyway... I digress. At intermission, as we were getting up from our (wonderful and generously donated orchestra) seats, I had to grab my friend’s arm to get up to a standing position. My friend was (still is, actually) a man, not my boyfriend, but it’s crowded and pushy in that aisle at intermission, and so I was standing very close to him, doing my best to stand up straight and not get jostled about. He had just asked about the pain in my back, and as I was telling him, a woman walked past us and said “This is no place for a romance, kids.”

Umm... excuse me?! I turned to watch her go, my mouth agape, and before I could stop myself I said, “I’m in pain, but thank you.” (I don’t know what that was supposed to mean, but that’s what came out.) As I turned back in astonishment to JM, another woman was passing by and acknowledged the first woman’s comment. “That was so rude! And even if you weren’t in pain, why isn’t this a place for a romance?!”

Why not, indeed. There were so many things wrong with that woman’s behavior, I almost don’t know where to start. How about: mind your own business? You can never tell what is going unless you are directly involved in a conversation. There was no PDA, no googly eyes, no sweet talk. She made a snap judgement, and it was completely wrong. She should have kept her mouth shut. I’m sure that if I hadn’t been in such pain, I would have come up with an even more witty statement to tell her so.

And how about: this is exactly the kind of attitude that keeps “kids” out of the concert halls! As the second woman recognized, a passionate orchestra concert on a rainy Sunday afternoon is fantastic place for romance! (She was there with a handsome gent who seemed tickled by the whole encounter. There seemed to be a bit of romance between them... but what do I know.) There certainly was enough passion on that stage to ignite a fire, and the buzz in the auditorium at the end was absolutely hott. The audience felt the enthusiasm coming from the performers, and they responded to it with an extended ovation. My dictionary widget defines "romance" thusly (second definition): “a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.” Seems a pretty good definition of what was going on in that hall today. How sad that this woman ~~was~~ seemed only concerned with everyone minding their p’s and q’s. Were I not “a regular” at this sort of thing, I can see how her comment would have turned me sour on ever going back.

I wonder why she was there in the first place. What did she get from the afternoon? Did the music move her in any way? Or was she one of the people who jumped out of her seat after Gergiev’s first bow, heading toward the exit to grab her coat and find a cab? Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe she was one of the hundreds who stood and called him back three times, eager to thank him and the orchestra for temporarily transporting them. Those who stood and applauded until the end are guilty of what some might see as inappropriate conduct in a venerable hall like Carnegie.

We all had a romance with Maestro Gergiev and the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra. I hope we did not offend.

Five minutes

2008-05-17T15:25:00.001-04:00

I usually keep quiet when I travel, not having inherited my mother’s proclivity for comfortably talking to strangers. She is always ready with a smile, and is seemingly willing to hear anyone’s life story. Me, I prefer to keep to myself, avoiding talking to strangers unless absolutely necessary. Cab drivers hear my destination when I get in and a “thank you” when I get out. Seat mates on the plane usually only hear my voice when I order my hot water with lemon. When I travel, it becomes even more evident that I am closer to “introvert” than “extrovert” on the Myers-Briggs test.

But the other night, upon arriving at my destination upstate, the cab stand set me up with a shared ride. It was late, and there were only two cabs and a handful of people who needed them. I got the impression that this was pretty standard procedure for this town. I knew my destination was just about five minutes from the station, so I actually started the conversation, breaking the slight tension that came from the unexpected share. I could talk to a stranger for five minutes...

When I told the woman that I was visiting the area to hear my boyfriend sing a concert (rehearse for a concert, technically; I had to leave before the performance), we of course got to talking about opera. An art professor at a college upstate, she confessed that she’d never been to an opera, stating that she knew she’d have to go alone if she ever went. We talked about the Met at the Movies program, and she seemed to like the idea of breaking herself (and hopefully a friend or two) in that casual environment. She then went on to say that she had always been kind of attracted to opera, mostly because of the idea that it is a synthesis of so many art forms; she even mentioned Wagner’s idea of Gesamtkunstwerk, or “total/integrated/complete artwork.” Although she couldn’t remember the German word (neither could I), she said, “opera was the original multimedia, don’t you think?”

Yeah, I absolutely do. It was one of the ideas that made me see opera in a different light once I started studying music in college. Thanks for the reminder, stranger.

FriPod: Long

2008-05-16T23:17:00.001-04:00

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a FriPod up, even though I’ve made the lists. Guess I’ll take this 30-day blogging exercise as an opportunity to get this fun way of viewing my iTunes library back up and running. I think this is a particularly diverse list, very indicative of my library...

Long Line of Pain, Amos Lee, Supply and Demand
The Longest Time, Billy Joel, The Essential Billy Joel
Long Ago and Far Away, Chet Baker, The Best of Chet Baker Sings
It hasn’t been long enough, Eric Hutchinson, Sounds Like This
Gone Too Long, Idlewild, Rarities 1997-2007
A Long Time Ago, Jim Croce, Greatest Hits
Live Long, Kings of Convenience, Riot On an Emptry Street
So Long, Marianne, Leonard Cohen, The Best of...
Don’t Wait Too Long, Madeleine Peyroux, Careless Love
Tomorrow is a Long Time, Nickel Creek, Why Should the Fire Die?
The Long Day is Over, Norah Jones, Come Away with Me
Another Long One, Shawn Colvin, Steady On
Long Time Ago, by Aaron Copeland, performed by William Warfield & Aaron Copeland
At Long Last Love, Bill Henderson, Night & Day: The Cole Porter Songbook
I’ve Been Loving You Too Long, Otis Redding, Soulsville, USA

Lists, 2008

2008-05-15T16:47:00.000-04:00

NOW:
Adina, L’elisir d’amore
Norina, Don Pasquale
Musetta, La Boheme
Susanna, Le Nozze di Figaro
Nannetta, Falstaff
Baby Doe, The Ballad of Baby Doe
Gilda, Rigoletto
Juliette, Romeo et Juliette
Anne Trulove, The Rake’s Progress
Lucia, Lucia di Lammermoor

SOON (3-5 years):
Susannah, Susannah
Manon, Manon
Melisande, Pelleas et Melisande (yummm)
Fiordiligi, Cosi fan tutte
Donna Anna, Don Giovanni
Konstanze, Abduction
Elvira, I puritani
Amina, La Sonnambula
Micaela, Carmen
Alcina, Alcina
Rodelinda, Rodelinda (Handel and his creative titles...)

FUTURE (5+ years???):
Countess, Le nozze di Figaro (whaaa?)
Juliet, I Capuletti ei Monetcchi
Arabella, Arabella
Violetta, La Traviata

Srsly!! The future is wide open... And no, this isn’t a hint of any big news or a new role on the books for coming seasons. Just continued reshaping and growing of repertoire - and of dreams.

Level Up

2008-05-14T20:36:00.001-04:00

This past October, I wrote this: “I’m still learning to embrace this fuller voice that has shown up this year, still shedding the mental skin of the “soubrette” label. Me? Manon? Can I sing “Adieu notre petite table?””

I had a great talk with a mentor today, and he brought up the notable change in my voice over the past few years. When he first heard me in 2005, I was sitting square in the middle of the soubrette section, unsure how my voice would grow and not entirely enthusiastic about the rep I was currently singing. There is a reason I’ve never really learned either of Despina’s arias... (Call me for a Despina when I’m 55, and it’ll be a different story; again, a subject for another post.)

Take a look at the lists I made back in the summer of 05. See those “roles I might sing in the future?” Juliet, Manon, Anne Trulove. The future is now, my friends. So what roles does the future hold? Character names were tossed around today in a way that was both scary - “But I thought I had a small voice?” - and affirming. Today I got some outside confirmation about something I’ve felt coming on this year: I’m leveling up. Maybe tomorrow I’ll post the 2008 version of those lists...

Tasks on the Musical To-Do List:

2008-05-13T20:51:00.002-04:00

* Finish memorizing music for the ASO concerts next week: Mendelssohn, Porter, Berlioz.

* Stop singing the musical numbers from Candide that I know already and actually get down to brass tacks on the rest of the darn piece! Rehearsals start in about six weeks.

* Review arias for some potential upcoming auditions.

* Format my libretto study sheet for Ariadne.

* Write translation into Ariadne score.

* Learn the actual notes of Ariadne...

It will be fun to work in German this summer after a winter of Italian. German is the language that comes most easily for me, due in no small part to the fact that I lived in Germany for three years as a child. My father was stationed over there, and my parents did their best to get the most out of the overseas experience (unlike most Americans on military bases, I think). We lived off-base for a year, and I spent half of my kindergarden year in an actual “kindergarten,” playing Haus with German kids, even though I couldn’t really talk to them. By the time we left Frankfurt when I was seven, I had a functional-enough passive vocabulary that my parent’s could no longer talk secrets auf Deutsch in front of me. I took three years of German in high school, and went back for a long visit as a high schooler, both with my family and solo.

A few days ago B and I were seeing how well we could converse in the other opera languages: French, Italian, German. We were both pretty miserable at French, his Italian was great and I could always answer him in English (again with the large passive vocabulary), and we were both surprised at how good my German was! I have a feeling that I could get to fluency pretty quickly were I to go over there for work.

And THAT, my friends, is a post for another day...

Picture Pages: May 08, NYC

2008-05-12T22:50:00.026-04:00

No story or big writing assignment tonight, just some pictures from the rainy day. (I uploaded them all small, so click to enlarge, if you are so inclined.) (Ok, I don't know why the layout is so weird... sorry. I'm working on it...)

My beloved morning coffee ritual.

What is better than an omelet and a salad for lunch? (Especially when it is made with love by a friend...)

Nick and I played "the headshot game" with the new lens...

...I predict this will be a popular game this summer...
Smile!!

After a lovely afternoon of food and catching up and talk of Purcell, it was back out into the rainy day.

Bhakti Business

2008-05-12T21:17:00.002-04:00

I've been updating my Bhakti Project database, and I've discovered that I'm missing email addresses for two donors. LK and JP, both residents of NYC: if you read this, will you shoot me an email? I've got something that I want to email to all my donors before it goes public, a little "thank you for helping make this happen!" My email is listed in my profile.

Thank you! All my other lovely donors, check your email soon...

Flashback

2008-05-11T23:14:00.001-04:00

My eyes were drawn to the man settling in at the table next to mine, as it became obvious that he was trying to get my attention. He said, “I know we’re scheduled to have lunch next Tuesday, but I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t start now!” My mind reeled for a long minute, as I looked at this face that was at once familiar and foreign - it was my music theory teacher from my senior year of high school in Atlanta!

It was true: we do have a lunch date for this week! As I prepare to go to Atlanta in a couple weeks to sing with the Symphony, I’ve been doing a little digging into my past, reconnecting with some friends and teachers in hopes of seeing them while I’m “in the neighborhood.” My search for this teacher, JB, uncovered the fact that he is the music director for an off-Broadway show that happens to run in a theater three blocks from my apartment. I sent an email to the producer of the show, and soon after JB and I were planning our reunion. But the universe seems to be on a different schedule! After the shock wore off, we each shared a few tidbits of the past 15 (!!!) years, whetting our appetites to spend some good time together catching up.

One thing I did manage to get across to him in those brief moments, and part of the impetus behind my seeking out my early teachers, is that there were seeds planted during that year that I feel are directly responsible for my being a performer today. High school was weird for me (wasn’t it for everyone, though?) for several reasons, not the least of which being that my family moved right before my senior year. Fortunately, we landed just down the street from the high school performing arts magnet program, and I spent my senior year doing what I’ve loved since I was a kid: performing. Hope Harcourt in Anything Goes, Marianne in Tartuffe (think Moliere, not Mechem), a couple of solos with the show choir, “By My Side” in Godspell. I was in heaven.

I also took my first theory class, led by the above mentioned JB, and a year-long drama course taught by KN. At the end of the year, my grade sheet for my final monologue assignment included a special note, the first time anyone suggested that I seriously consider “a career on the stage.” He ended with the question: “Broadway someday?” He was close... I’m hopefully going to see him in Atlanta later this month, and I can’t wait to tell him that I have his note still, carefully laminated and stored in my SOJ box (that’s Bird Family Lingo: Sentimental Old Junk). You never forget the first person to really believe in you, the first time you think “maybe I can do this...”

30 Days

2008-05-10T23:40:00.001-04:00

Ok, enough is enough. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I am following the example of several of my blogging compatriots and starting a 30-day blogging program. As I said to B tonight, I hope that writing every day will get things moving again, like a high-fiber diet for my writing. I will post something every day, however asinine or poorly constructed (or brilliant or exquisite!).

I’ll certainly have plenty of fodder. In the next 30 days - in addition to posting daily - I will:
* sing two final performances of Macbeth
* have a couple of voice lessons
* take the train up the Hudson to visit a friend and see a concert
* travel to Atlanta for concerts with the ASO - and a big family gathering centered around the concerts, my cousin’s high school graduation, and my mom’s birthday!
* meet with a couple of my teachers from high school
* pack up and relocate to Virginia for the summer!
* buy a summer car, hopefully with less drama than last year
* take a plane to the Mississippi to visit a friend and see an opera
* study for summer roles and brainstorm for next years’ recitals

If I can’t find anything to write about in all of that, well... it might be time to quit this thing. No, not really. I’ll get it back. But life is different now then it was a few months ago, in wonderful ways, so I guess it’s to be expected that things will shift and definitions will change. It’s a good thing. I’ll try to include more photos with these posts, too, snapshots from daily life, boring as they may be.

Ok. Let’s get started...

One good thing

2008-05-04T01:02:00.000-04:00

If nothing else good comes from my working at the Met for the past two seasons, there will be this: I am now out of credit card debt.

Thanks to SBF’s leading by example, I’ve been aggressively reshaping my financial situation over the past few months. I realized two months ago that with a bit of shifting of funds from one account to another, I could wipe out my credit card debt and a) still have enough money in my checking account to avoid the “emergency fallback” credit card trap and b) keep at least one month’s expenses in my emergency fund. When I saw the new numbers on my online bank statement this evening, I have to admit that I teared up a bit.

I did it!!! It feels great. And... I already bought myself a reward, paid in full.

Next steps:
* Build back up to three months in the emergency fund. Next season is a little light on the financial side (not currently contracted at the Met due to conflicting gigs elsewhere), so I may need some back-up.
Take the money I was putting to my CC towards student loan payment.
Make maximum contributions to my IRA.
Put 20% of each paycheck into a special savings account for taxes. This year I got a big refund (also thanks to the Met: I was a W-2 employee there), which will never happen again. I don’t want to be caught unprepared for taxes next year like I was for TY2006.

More on the blogging slump, now extending into May. Today, as I was sitting in a blissfully happy post-brunch daze, someone used the expression “fat, dumb, and happy.” I’m not getting fat, but maybe my current happiness has rendered me a bit less capable of stringing together coherent sentences...

Stay tuned. Or not...

Honor

2008-04-30T16:02:00.001-04:00

The blogging slump continues, but I want to say what an honor it was to sing the premiere of Hillula last night. (We’re now considering this the real premiere; last year was really more of a workshop of parts of the whole.) The experience was at once private and public, a new feeling for me in terms of performance. Usually, once I get to performance time, it’s only about the sharing, about conveying a message to the people in the audience, moving them. But last night, I simultaneously wanted to share it with the world (look, hear, see how beautiful this is!) and keep it to myself (so special, so personal)... not unlike a new love. This work has been three years in the making, and last night was both a completion (the work) and a beginning (the life of the work). Judd and spent the train ride home brainstorming about what that life should be, exactly...

Also on the ride home, I did something I don’t think I’ve ever done immediately after a performance: I listened to the recording. I just wasn’t ready for it to be over... of course I heard things I didn’t like, but nothing that I wasn’t fully aware of in performance. A misplaced breath here, a slight chip there... details. But there were some other moments that just took my breath away. Not because I’m such a great singer, but because this piece inspired some of my best singing; Jocelyn, too, had moments of brilliance. I couldn’t have asked for a better, more beautiful, more tuned-in partner in this endeavor. When it ended (all 18 minutes of it), I took out my earbuds and said to Judd, “Thank you. I am so honored to have been part of bringing this to life.”

So honored.

Eat Food

2008-04-29T13:11:00.001-04:00

I was tagged for this meme twice, by Alex & Tim, so I guess I need to get out of my blogging slump and get to it. (Looking in the archives, you can see that every month for the past couple of years I seem to average about a post every other day. This month, I’ve barely got a post every four days... weird. It’s not that there’s nothing going on, I’m just not blogging. Not sure what to make of it, but I think I’ll just let the slump ride itself out...)

But back to the meme. Here are the rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan

“Studying cultured human cells, he’s found that “deficiency of vitamins C, E, B12, B6, nicin, folic acid, iron or zinc appears to mimic radiation by causing single- and double-strand DNA breaks, oxidative lesions, or both” - precursors to cancer. “This has serious implications, as half the US population may be deficient in at least one of these micronutrients.” Most of the missing micronutrients are supplied by fruits and vegetables, of which only 20 percent of American children and 32 percent of adults eat the recommended five daily servings.”

This book has absolutely confirmed my eating habits, and encouraged me to be even more diligent. For the past few years, I’ve been eating a diet very similar to the one encouraged by Pollan’s “Eater’s Manifesto:” Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. If all the recent scary news about the food industry has you thinking about your diet, I encourage you to pick up this book. Heck, I encourage you to pick it up anyway. The information about the history of nutrition and the commercialization of food, not to mention the fads of our diet culture, is incredibly eye-opening.

I tag Coloratur...aaah, Melear, Little Ms Bossy, Nick, and Thom.

Off to Princeton in about an hour. Remember to tune in tonight at 8pm for the concert, streaming live at the Princeton music department homepage. Hillula will be the second piece on the first half of the program. Enjoy!

Bullet Points are the new black

2008-04-26T01:58:00.002-04:00

I feel like I should rename this blog “bullet points.” I hate to resort to such measures, but this writer’s block is getting out of hand.

* In addition to being unable to write, I haven’t been singing that much in the past couple of weeks. Part of it is an intentional break - the past few months were pretty insane! A little “vocal vacation” is good, but now it’s time for the down time to come to an end. But every time I started to think about singing this week, I remembered this blog post (via oboeinsight). Do my neighbors hate me?! We all exchange pleasantries in the hallway, but aside from the German interior designer who shares our walls, none of them really know that I’m the resident opera singer. If they did, would they shun me? I am aware that I’m loud, but I try to avoid singing in the morning, only doing a short warm-up if I have a late-morning audition, and I never sing past seven in the evening. I rarely practice at home on the weekends. I know that people in NYC have unusual schedules, but I try to stick to a general “working day” framework, assuming that most people will be out of the building at that time. I haven’t gotten any complaints, but now I wonder...

* I’ve updated the biography and added some photos to my ACB@mac website. Check ‘em out! And... I’ve enabled comments, so be nice.

* Here’s the promised Hillula news: The concert on Tuesday will stream live on teh internets!! The concert starts at 8pm and will stream live from Princeton’s music department home page. I don’t know where Hillula will be on the program, but I encourage you to log on and listen to the whole thing if you can. Jocelyn and I are really proud of our work, and I’m sure the other performers and composers are, too. Maybe somebody could live-blog it!! Kidding. Kind of.

* (Other Hillula-related news: I think we’ve decided to seek an endowment for The Bhakti Project. I have no idea at this point what this will entail (other than, oh, a lot of money), but we’re starting to brainstorm and build a team. More later...)

* This weekend is totally full of awesomeness: A date to the Brooklyn Art Museum to check out the Murakami exhibit in preparation for DJA’s big premiere on Sunday. Saturday dinner. Sunday brunch at a NYC institution. The George London masterclass, which is being led by my former step-father (in the operatic sense) Richard Stillwell and my fellow OperaNow! podcast guest Frederica von Stade. And then the Brooklyn Phil concert at Drom. Go Darcy!! Jammed packed with awesomeness, tell you what.

Ok, so I couldn’t quite get to everything tonight. There are three half-finished bullet points that I’ll get posted tomorrow morning before the Weekend o’ Awesome begins. They’re all kind of related: voice lesson stuff, singing stuff, and Terfel-Martineau stuff. (IB: They rock.) Hopefully this brain drain will clear something out and let me get back to regular blogging... heh. No promises.

Dreams of Flying

2008-04-22T17:31:00.003-04:00

The photography on this site has been giving me no end of joy today: Jan von Hollenben. (via form meets function; guess it’s time to do a Blogroll update...)

New Beginnings

2008-04-19T18:55:00.001-04:00

Spring has finally arrived in NYC, and I’ve been pulling out my summer dresses in anticipation of putting away the scarves for good. Well, at least until I start carrying one all summer to deal with southern air conditioning. I’ve eaten outdoors every day for the past few, and tonight I’ll head to Brooklyn for some bluegrass. Tomorrow, I’ve promised my camera that we’ll spend some time together...

It’s been a busy week, lots of thoughts if not a lot of action; a mentally busy week... I did manage to catch the inspiring 8bb concert and rub elbows at the after-party. Meeting Julia Wolfe, David Lang, Steve Reich, and Jeremy Denk was pretty awesome, but more so was feeling a part of that community, toasting with people I consider my friends. I am very lucky to have landed there. I think it’s safe to say that 8bb are rockstars; that was some seriously sexy new music... (**Edited to add: Go here for some photographic evidence of the elbow-rubbing and rock-star-ness.)

I also had a voice lesson today for the first time in more than two months, and oh how grateful I am for my teacher. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster around here, career-wise, and he helped settle me a bit. I am still working some things out in my voice, still finding my way, and we made some fine progress tonight. I walked out of the lesson feeling back in control of my voice, friends with it again, and seriously excited about my next few gigs.

I know all of this is kind of vague, and I’ve been a little quiet here, but sometimes living life doesn’t allow time to blog about it... Next week should be a little quieter so I’ll try to get some thoughts down. There are new thoughts about The Bhakti Project, too, and news about the Hillula performance on the 29th. But for now, it is spring, my voice is my friend, and there is a song in my heart!

News, links, etc.

2008-04-15T13:54:00.000-04:00

Some tidbits from various online sources:

* You can see some pictures from Sing For Hope: By Leaps and Sounds! over at the Children’s Aid Society website. What a great afternoon!

* I joined Camille Zamora, co-founder of SFH, in recording an interview with Michael Rice, host of OperaNow!, the opera podcast, for a special segment on performers giving back. We were joined by Janice Mayer of Classical Action and Frederica von Stade, who recently presented a concert for Classical Action with Jake Hegie. You can listen to the whole podcast here (or download it from iTunes); our segment starts about twenty minutes in, I think. But you should listen to the whole thing. It’s deliciously irreverent.

* I’ve been having a terrible time keeping this a secret. Yada yada yada, indeed!!

* I haven’t been able to update ACB.com since I got my Mac, so I am talking with a web designer about building me a new site. If that happens, it will likely go live in the fall, so until then, I made a temporary site using iWeb. So easy!! Check it out here: http://web.mac.com/annecarolynbird/temp

That’s all for now!

The scene

2008-04-14T17:20:00.000-04:00

I'm late to get on the Hilary Hahn bandwagon, not for reasons that have anything to do with Ms. Hahn herself, but more with the fact that I listen to very little classical music on a regular basis. After spending a few days with Nick on tour in February, he encouraged me (by example, not with words) to listen to more (Bach, particularly), and I've picked up a few recordings, most notably one of Bach concerti. (The D Minor is my favorite; the saddest of all keys...) I've also enjoyed her writing on her website, candid and insightful and funny.

So I was thrilled to read a couple of things today that indicate she has "indie classical" tendencies! Steve Smith's review of her concert with Josh Ritter at The Other Met sounded like programming perfection: Erlkoenig paired with a modern folk song called "Oak Tree King." Fabulous. And then Feast of Music reported on Hahn's post-show show at DROM, a Lower East Side bar. How much fun would THAT have been? I'm definitely going to check out the next "classical" show at DROM, if only because it involves toy pianos.

In related news, I was devastated to miss the MATA festival a couple of weeks ago. It was wonderful to hear reports of successful (understatement) premieres and performances by friends and colleagues, people who I respect and admire. As I was hearing a run-down of one night's program, I felt like I was hearing about a party that my friends threw without me! I was equally so excited for the success of the Festival and of their music, and heart-broken not to be there celebrating with them. I love being part of this "scene," even cursorily as I seem to be right now. I am honored to call these musicians my friends, and to dream about future collaborations. For more on that, check out the New Amsterdam Records site and see how the community is growing. Join up, even! All are welcome.

I guess now would be the perfect time to remind those of you in the NYC area that the revised version of Hillula will premiere on April 29th as part of the Princeton Composers Ensemble, 8pm in Taplin Auditorium on the Princeton campus. Excited doesn't begin to express how we feel about this...

Head Games

2008-04-12T18:56:00.000-04:00

It’s been a rough couple of days, career-wise, and I can’t really get into it here without lots of thinly-veiled references. There are some important ideas to try and get across, though, so I’m going to try my best.

I sang an audition yesterday for someone I sang for recently in a different forum, and while the first instance was far from a bomb, it, um, wasn’t terribly well-received. I was nervous today in a way I haven’t been in a while, the butterflies in my stomach almost making me nauseous. For a brief moment, I considered “calling in sick.” How was I going to redeem myself? What if I didn’t?

I’ve been learning - or trying to learn - a lesson recently: not everyone is going to love what I do. Art is subjective, people have deeply held ideas of what is “right,” blah blah blah... I know all those things, but it is still unsettling to hear that someone really disapproved of the way I sang something. And then to have to put myself out there for their judgement again? Not an easy day at the office.

So, I steeled myself as best I could, made sure I looked fabulous, and armed myself with standard arias. I thought about my interpretations, how I wanted to present these arias that EVERY soprano sings. Should I scale myself back, give a more vanilla interpretation? Try to guess how they think the characters should be presented? No way. I’m an acting singer. Anything less than my full interpretation of a character, an aria, is not really acceptable to me. I would go into this audition and show them that in addition to the somewhat unorthodox and slightly unpolished (and very tired...) singer they heard before, I am also a bit of a purist. I would rely on good singing and musicianship to show my stuff. And if they still didn’t like it? Well, then there wouldn’t be much more to worry about.

I got there a bit late, and they were running early, so I paused for just a minute to give the pianist a rundown of my pieces, and we were on. I sang my first piece (Mozart), and they asked for Juliette, just as I’d hoped (I have really come to love that aria...), and I sang it with all my heart. And then, when it was over, since there was time, we actually talked about the previous audition! Compliments were paid and disappointments expressed, but more importantly, honest thoughts were expressed from both sides of the table, and I walked away feeling like I had just engaged in one of the most constructive conversations of my career. Not in terms of “oh yeah, I totally got the job,” but more in a sense that I presented myself well to someone who wanted me to do well, and had been stymied by the fact that I didn’t.

It was a draining few days, but as with every hurdle, I came away feeling more in command of my self as a singer. Ultimately, it’s up to me to believe in my work, to know that I can deliver a product that I am proud of. Like I said, a hard lesson to learn... Stay tuned for further chapters; I’m sure there will be many.

Home

2008-04-09T21:32:00.001-04:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up in the dark. Before I opened my eyes, I recognized that I was waking in a new bed, not the one I was in the day before. “Where am I?” Joyfully, my subconscious responded, “My own bed!!”

Yes, I’m back in my little hobbit hole for a lovely bit of “down time.” I have a total of four performances (all local) in the next six weeks; that feels like a perfect pace! And yet, it’s going to be busy: A few auditions. Rehearsals with Jocelyn for the premiere of the revised version of Hillula on April 29th. Studying music for the ASO concerts in May. A few performances of Macbeth. I’ll spend some time with the scores of Candide and Ariadne, too, over the next few weeks.

And then of course, there are concerts (of the indie rock and indie classical variety) and recitals to attend. Dinners and drinks to be had. Family to relax with, friends to catch up with, and the general wonder that is spring in NYC to enjoy. Lots to keep me busy, but plenty of time to breathe and smile.

I’m happy to be back in the land of wireless internet, so I hope to get back to a more regular writing and posting schedule soon. I have a few thoughts to get out still about The Rosina Experience; I think my time in Dayton will prove to be bit of a turning point for me, in many ways.

Umm, Mom?

2008-04-03T12:03:00.002-04:00

Have you started writing for the Dayton City Paper? The review of Barber is really, really good... Just curious if you've picked up a little journalism on the side!

I'm off to our brush-up rehearsal. Can't wait to see how things have simmered and developed over our (lovely, food-filled) days off!

More soon...

Still Life

2008-03-31T13:53:00.002-04:00

For the past few years, I’ve been creating little shrines at my dressing station every opening night, built up of all the cards and trinkets and candies that appear from colleagues throughout the evening. To be brutally honest, my expectations were low for this show, considering that almost the entire cast is male, and, well, guys aren’t generally known for their collection of cute stationary. So imagine my joy - and shamefaced-ness!! - when I walked into my dressing room to find that almost everyone had not only placed a card on my table, but had gotten their cards out even earlier than mine! Opening night calls should really be about half an hour earlier than other nights, since we spend time running from room to room, handing out goodies and hugs and spitting over each other’s shoulders to keep the devil away.

Included in this photo: more chocolate than I can eat in a month; Rosina’s last-act hair ornament; the perfect lipstick & pencil combination (for stage, anyway), as paired by Tom, my awesome makeup guy here; a new Moleskine; a rose-scented candle (my gift to my cast - and one for me!); the envelope to the Mo’s card, which is labeled with a transcription of the sweet moment when Figaro and Rosina spell her name; and what will likely be the first in my collection of kaleidoscopes, a gift from someone very special. Oh, and a cigar from JR, which was dutifully enjoyed post-show with the cast. An embarrassment of riches...

It’s a reflection, really, of the chemistry of this cast, both on and offstage. We have had such a great time! Tonight we’re meeting at a local piano bar for some karaoke, a fact which we should maybe keep quiet, as opera singers tend to be either “too good” or spectacularly bad at karaoke… It’s going to be an awesome night!

Opening night was pretty awesome, too, and felt like a real triumph. About ten minutes before curtain, I was almost overwhelmed by nerves, including that very rare voice trying to convince myself that I wasn’t ready, that I was going to fail. That was a scary moment, one I’m not really used to. I sought out MB, a castmate for both this debut and last month’s Susanna, and asked for a hug and a pep talk. His calm joyful energy helped, and the butterflies and fear gave way to excitement. The night got off to a great start, with a wonderful energy in the house and light-hearted interactions between us onstage. As we entered the final chorus at the end of Act II, I think I did a little hop of joy, so happy to have made it through!

I felt like the dress rehearsal was at about 85% of what I wanted to accomplish with the role, and opening night felt like a 95. Pretty damn good, but room to grow! There were some fun moments of discovery onstage, musical and dramatic, and new things were happening (in the best way), so I am excited to see how this character will continue to develop this week.

Tomorrow night we have a donor event, and then I think I might make a midnight trek into the woods to watch the spotted salamanders mating… stay tuned!

2008-03-28T14:24:00.004-04:00

Guess who got a new toy?!?This day has been a long time coming. I finally bit the bullet and bought a digital SLR - a "grown up camera!" I am so excited to learn everything about it, and I'm even more excited to get my hands on my dad's Canon lenses next time I'm in CO for a visit... Better check my luggage before I go home, Dad!

I join the illustrious ranks of photography-loving opera folks. We should start a support group! Stay tuned for (brilliantly composed, perfectly exposed) pictures from my adventures...

Things I can’t live without

2008-03-27T14:48:00.002-04:00

I’ve done my best to avoid creating a pre-show routine, something that I depend on in order to perform well. Life on the road (and life in general) is too unpredictable to expect to have things a certain way for every performance. (Of course, were I working on Broadway, on a long-running show, I would totally have a routine, and would likely be a “nester” as described in this article from last weekend’s NYTimes.) But there are a few things that I try to have around me, things that give a bit of support no matter what else is going on around me.

Ricola cough drops I almost always have one tucked into my costume somewhere (wrapped, of course… although I have a do story about unwrapped ones…), and I keep one in my mouth almost all the time when I’m off-stage. They just do the trick, soothing and comforting.

Throat Coat tea I usually sip on a mug of this while I’m getting my hair and makeup done. I’m not sure what’s in it, but it feels so good…

Good shoes Whenever I learn that I will likely be put into standard character shoes for a show, I do my best to convince the costume coordinator that my black Beautifeel shoes will pass ~~the mustard~~ muster. (See the comments!) Take my word for it, these are the most comfortable shoes EVER. I wore them throughout Figaro rehearsals last month, and I get to use them for this show, too. Black, ankle strap, “character-ish,” with extra padding on the ball of the foot, they were worth every penny and make all these active on-my-feet roles bearable!

A healthy dinner I’ve always aimed for something high-protein and low-fat, something that would stick to my ribs and give my energy throughout the evening. Fish and rice works sometimes, but these days I’m enjoying a lentil and wild rice dish I made up in Grand Rapids. I eat about 2/3 of a sizable portion about an hour before curtain, and then finish it up after the show is over. I have to eat fairly quickly after the show is over or else I crash - HARD! Last night I paired it with an avocado and some pita chips… yummm.

My iPod I’m constantly studying my score throughout the evening, but every now and then, and definitely on the ride home, I need to rock out. Rogue Wave, The Killers, and (guilty pleasure alert) late-90s country hits fit the bill these days.

Dove facial cleansing cloths Just one easily takes of a full face (and neck) of stage makeup. Add some tinted moisturizer, mascara, and Cherry Chapstick, toss out the pin-curl hair, and I’m ready for the post-show party!

Final dress rehearsal tonight… how did we get here already?! For kicks, here’s the lentil recipe. Happy eating, or I guess I should say, “Mangia!”

1 medium onion, diced
olive oil
salt & pepper
1 tsp chili powder (maybe more? I never measure…)
1 C red lentils
2 C water
pre-cooked wild rice, about 1 1/2 C
1/2 C pistachios or other flavorful nut

Soften the onion in about 2 Tbsp of oil. Add the lentils and stir to coat with the oil; add the spices and stir. Add water and simmer uncovered until most of the water is absorbed and lentils are soft. (They won’t really retain their shape.) Stir in wild rice and pistachios and adjust seasonings.

Generosity

2008-03-25T13:56:00.000-04:00

If there is a word that has been a theme in my lessons and coachings and rehearsals over the past few months, I think it might be “generosity.”

JD first mentioned it a few months ago during a French coaching. In the days following Pavorotti’s death last summer, when video and audio clips of his singing were everywhere, she was struck by the overwhelming generosity with which he sang. “He never kept his voice from the audience,” she said. It seemed to her that he was always pouring out his entire voice, always giving it, never hiding it, and the audience could tell.

This kind of vocal generosity is two-fold, I think. One element is technical: singing with an open, unrestricted throat, a mouth and jaw that know how to freely and easily form language, and a fully engaged breath that allows the sound to pour out unimpeded. This is the sound that makes you say, “Wow, what a voice…” Moments of vocal disconnect are few and far between with this kind of generous singing.

The other element is, of course, mental. Or maybe even spiritual. It’s the ability to open your heart to your audience, to give freely of your artistic self, without fear of rejection or expectation of reward. That could be the definition of generosity, right? This is the kind of sharing that makes you think, “Wow, what a singer…”

In the greatest singers, like Pavarotti, both elements are present. Generosity of voice, generosity of heart. There are some days when it’s easier than others to be generous of heart, and some days when the voice is more unwieldy than others. But with practice, generosity can become the normal state of things. (This obviously applies to other areas of life, too, right?)

Our director mentioned generosity the other day as we were staging the finale. He encouraged us to “practice being generous with the audience,” even though we currently don’t have one. Things like keeping your eyes bright, or feeling the love and joy and excitement of the music passing through you into the theater, or even just smiling when you sing - these are things that can be practiced. The more you practice them, the more truly they come through once the audience - the recipients of your gifts - are finally present.

Tonight is our piano dress rehearsal. I am a bit heavy of heart today, and my voice feels funny, but I am going to practice generosity tonight. Practice, practice, practice… Who knows, maybe there is someone there who needs what little I have to give.

Preview

2008-03-21T13:47:00.001-04:00

There is a fantastic preview of Barbiere in the Dayton City Paper today - complete with a huge picture on the cover! You can see that both the Figaro and Almaviva are red-heads; I’ve been tempted to dye my hair! Of course, we’ll all be wigged for the performances (none of us look particularly Spanish), but for this photo shoot we just went au natural.

This afternoon I’m actually going to participate in some tourist activities, something I rarely have the time or energy to do on the road! We’re going to check out the National Museum of the US Air Force, which will satisfy both the museum-loving dork and the Air Force brat in me.

Speaking of being a Brat: I’ve written here before of the difficulties of not having a home town, per se. When filling out my paperwork for Dayton Opera’s program, I was once again faced with the question: What is your hometown? I decided to take a chance, and I wrote “Military Brat!” I spoke with the Artistic Administrator at the Gala on Saturday, and she said that when she read that, she took it to the General Director and they discussed this unusual answer. Then it dawned on them that one of the largest Air Force bases in the country, Wright-Patterson - is right here in Dayton! There will be a large portion of the audience who will completely understand the concept of not having a hometown!!

Full steam ahead

2008-03-20T12:45:00.001-04:00

Dear friends:

The show’s going well in Dayton. The Figaro is so dreamy, I just can’t stand it! This is the best Figaro EVER and did I mention that the Figaro is really good?!?

Ok, so the above paragraph was dictated by Andrew Garland, my fabulous Figaro here in Dayton. (I’ve been lucky enough to have back-to-back fabulous Figaro’s!) We are all here at “our coffeeshop,” on a break after a very useful rehearsal in which we all ran through our recitatives, working to get the flow going and to get past the “what words and notes am I supposed to sing here?” stage to “let’s communicate and tell a story here!”

I have to say, the hardest part of learning this role in two months has been really getting the language into my head, getting past the long-vowels and double-consonants stage. With Susanna, I carried around those papers with my texts on them for weeks - months, even - until I knew my lines forward and back. It’s been a bit of cram this time around… I finally had to just let go of the thinking and jump to the feeling. Once I put my book or my cheat sheets down, I’m free to really connect with my colleagues on-stage, to find the natural connection of one line to the next, rather than just trying to remember what comes next!

I’m also still building the character - who is Rosina? I’m going to write a post exclusively on this topic to cross post over on the DO blog, but I will say here that it has been a real challenge to get Mozart’s Countess out of my mind. (The Countess in Nozze is Rosina, five years or so after the events of Barber take place…) The way we have the finale of Barber staged, there is even a moment of staging that is a “flash forward” to a moment in Nozze; I find the (unintentional) symmetry beautiful.

Today: an afternoon working session, hitting on some things in Act I that need finesse, and then tonight we “stumble through” the show. A day off tomorrow, then another stumble through on Saturday morning and the Sitz Saturday afternoon. I can not wait to get with the orchestra for this one!

A teaser: by the end of the 08-09 season, I will have repeated a role!! Boy, am I ever looking forward to that experience...

Out of touch

2008-03-15T12:49:00.003-04:00

I’m having a harder time than I expected dealing with the lack of internet at my home stay… I enjoy getting to bed at a decent hour because I don’t spend too many hours on Facebook, but I feel really out of touch with my friends and family. I’ve never been a big fan of talking on the phone, so my primary communication method for years has been the internet: blogs, IMs, emails, and of course now the addition (addiction) of Facebook. I never feel far from my “people,” no matter what corner of the world they may be wandering.

But this week has been different. I haven’t been aware of my friends’ every move through their status updates. I’ve had to binge on blogs, which doesn’t really allow for true digestion of content. I haven’t written as many emails, and you can only GET email if you WRITE email. So, in short, I’m feeling lonelier than usual when on the road. If you happen to get a phone call from me this month, don't pass out from the shock!

Lonely is a funny thing with me. I really like being alone and I need a certain amount of silence around me in order to really feel at peace. And being alone is different than feeling lonely or out of touch. I haven’t been getting enough time alone this week, either, so I’m a bit out of sorts. Out of sorts and and out of touch makes ACB a little bit of a downer...

The lack of internet has affected my blogging, too, in that I’ve only been able to write when I’ve been at my coffeeshop. I think this has much to do with the fact that I tend to do several things at once while I write: write emails, do searches for references for the post, read other blogs, etc.. And in order to do those things, I have to be online. Meh. I just found a Panera closer to my house than the downtown coffee shop, so I may get over there more often. We’ll see. I miss writing! I didn’t realize until this week how much this has also become part of my balancing routine.

Sorry for the downer post, and sorry for the lack of writing this past week (and likely the next few weeks)! Another facet of this crazy wonderful life. The opera is having their annual black-tie gala tonight, so I am looking forward to getting all dolled up (remember that Badgley Mischka gown I bought in the fall?!?!) and having a good meal and hitting the dance floor!

In other news, I found an art gallery here in Dayton with some paintings by a local artist. There are some landscapes that I absolutely LOVE… I might just have to buy one. My souvenir from Dayton might end up being art instead of clothes… stay tuned!

Keeping up

2008-03-13T14:03:00.003-04:00

Since I don't have internet at home, I'm in the process of adding RSS feeds to my .mac mail program. I have felt so out of touch with blogs this week! Hopefully this way I'll be able to keep up... Tips for new blogs?

More updates soon! We have a day off tomorrow, so after a night out and a sleep in I'll do a "week in review."

Let's start at the very beginning

2008-03-13T13:37:00.005-04:00

I've been asked to contribute to the Dayton Opera Artists' blog, and what follows is my first post. It was interesting to write a "get-to-know-you piece," of a sorts, rather than just building on my established relationship with the the blogosphere... I hope I found a good balance, and hopefully I'll introduce a few new folks to the glory of the opera blog world!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rehearsals have begun! Today we started getting Barber up on its feet, yet we spent nine hours together before we started the staging process.

The first three were spent in “table talk,” a conversation led by our director, Gary Briggle, which took us through topics like characters relationships, what sort of story we’re hoping to tell; and how exactly we hope to tell that story. For my character, Rosina, this led to questions like “How did she come to be the ward of Don Bartolo?” and “What is her friendship with Figaro like?” and “How does her attraction to and intention for the Count change over the course of the opera?” This is the sort of conversation and work that is crucial to good honest story-telling on-stage, but due to short rehearsal periods, it is so often skipped over. What a joy to start off with this level of detail work! It felt so indulgent! It was also a great way for us all to get to know each other a bit before we started the business of being friends and adversaries and lovers on stage.

Another thing Gary asked each of us was how we are hoping to define a success in our work here with this production. What a wonderful question! I am the only member of the principal cast who is performing their role for the first time, so my idea of “success” has everything to do with the music. There are so many notes, and so many ornamentations and fancy outbursts (often called “cadenzas”) that are “traditional” or “stylistic,” and, frankly, they are a bit intimidating! I will feel that I have given a successful interpretation of Rosina if every one of those cadenzas is inspired by the emotion Rosina feels at the moment or is motivated by the action she is carrying out. I am looking forward to discovering the emotions and motivations behind all of those little black dots...

And speaking of little black dots, the other six hours were spent in music rehearsals with our “maestro,” Neil Gittleman. In a masterful example of efficient time management, we worked our way through the entire opera in two rehearsals! With an opera like Barber in which there is a vast history of “performance practice,” it is so important to take the time to make sure the singers and the conductor are on the same page: what ornament are you singing here? what tempo do we want there? how do we get from here to there? what cuts are we doing? We found a lot of answers and established a great foundation that we can build on as we work through staging.

For me, singing all this with colleagues for the first time, it was a great opportunity to see which spots need a bit more attention! As would be expected, there are a handful of moments when Rosina and Almaviva sing very intricate lines together, expressing their excitement and desire for each other. It was so fun - and a little terrifying! - to sing those with John, hearing the potential for an absolutely thrilling musical experience. Everyone is being very supportive and patient with me as I work out my routines. They all sang their roles for the first time once, too, so everyone understands my nerves!

As rehearsals progress, these moments that are new will become familiar, nerves will give way to excitement and fear to joy! Stay tuned…

Here, there

2008-03-11T13:54:00.000-04:00

Sure enough, Saturday's blizzard in Ohio caused my flight to be canceled and afforded me an extra day at home. “Found time,” a friend called it, and it was lovely. All the stress I’d been feeling on Friday dissipated and l pretty much just relaxed. No need to stress about packing for a month: I was already packed! No need to stress about wanting more time to study: I had another afternoon! And of course it’s never any use stressing about the weather, because there is absolutely nothing I can do about that! So I ordered in from my favorite Thai place and alternated study sessions with episodes of LOST.

Streaming TV episodes online, my new indulgence. But alas - no internet at my home TH! (Temporary Home, in case you missed that its first time around.) So my addiction to Facebook and Bloglines and checking my email obsessively is facing judgement day. I expect the shakes and sweats of withdrawal to start any moment now. But thank god for coffee shops with free wifi! I’ll have to find one tomorrow. (*Updated: It took an extra day, but I found a great coffee shop across the street from the theater. I’ll likely become a regular…)

This time around I’m in a lovely green-walled room with a Florencia en el Amazonas poster above the bed and sweet white bedding with pink and green flowers that reminds me of sheets I had when I was a kid. I’m sitting in the chair in my room with one of my magic travel tricks: the rice sock. I pack a (clean, never worn) soft cushy sock, and then fill it with two pounds of Jasmine or other scented rice when I arrive at my destination. In this case I didn’t even have to go out and buy it; my hostess had an extra bag. Pop that baby in the microwave for two minutes, and voila! A balm for tight neck and back muscles. I think LR back in Seattle first introduced me to this wonderful innovation. I have one that I keep at home, but figured it didn’t make sense to lug around two extra pounds when I could just buy the rice at my destination. I tried it out on my last trip, and can’t imagine I’ll leave it at home ever again!

Other comforts of home: my favorite picture of my grandfather, my “good-luck” ladybug beanie baby, my perfume (by the time I get back to NYC, it’ll be time to switch back to my spring scent! yay!), beautiful new stationery (a birthday gift), and probably more pairs of shoes than I really need. Tomorrow: get my rental car, get some groceries, find some internet, and then meet the cast! We have a “table work” session tomorrow afternoon and then Act I musical tomorrow night. Here we go!

Are you kidding me?

2008-03-07T22:24:00.003-05:00

I am having the worst luck with weather and travel this winter!!

Hmmm. Suddenly I feel like just going to bed and waiting to pack until I see if my 2pm flight is actually going to make it out of here...

And speaking of packing, how do I fit the transition from blizzardy winter to spring in two medium suitcases? It's a mystery.

Follow-up links

2008-03-07T10:31:00.006-05:00

My concert-mate from last night, DJA, has written a wonderful post about virtuosity. "You learn that the flashiest elements of virtuosity -- like the ability to play very fast with a lot of accuracy -- are not necessarily the most important, and that subtlety and nuance are both more meaningful and more elusive."

And if anybody cares to hear Facing North, check it out in this episode of WNYC's New Sounds. Excerpts from Facing North start around minute 29, with "Long Shadows" starting at minute 37 and "Hocket" just before minute 43. So amazing...

So glad I didn’t stay home...

2008-03-07T00:40:00.002-05:00

I’m not at all sure how to put into words the experience I had tonight at the M6 concert at Symphony Space.

First of all, I remembered Sid’s post about memorizing Boatman, and I realized that my little charts for the Barber ensembles are child’s play. The nuance in the performances tonight was exceptional. And it was all memorized! And had a feeling of improvisation and freedom and joy that can only come from knowing something inside and out. I was humbled!

I was also proud to be witnessing the beginning of something new, something “next.” A legacy in progress. Congratulations to all involved.

But mostly I left with an incredible excitement to sink my teeth into... The Barber of Seville!! When I said this to TM, he replied, “That’s like me going to an Eliot Carter concert and saying I can’t wait to get to work on a Mozart Flute concerto!” I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but hear me out.

There were two specific elements that inspired me, things that I needed an infusion of passion for before I could be the Rosina that I want to be. This role is iconic. Everyone knows her, there have been so many incredible interpreters of the role, and I feel like I need six more months to fully understand her character and the musical world Rossini created for her. But, obviously, I don’t have six months! I’ve been learning and studying and singing, but I think I’ve been really scared.

Tonight the things I learned from the M6 performers have given me courage - and excitement! - to sink my teeth into this role in a new way.

One was virtuosity. Nothing says “virtuosity” like Rossini, or is it the other way around? And I’ve been approaching all of these melismas (runs of fast notes) with serious trepidation, knowing I could sing them but unsure how to “sell” them. What was the point? Isn’t it just about showing what cool things you can do with your voice? What’s exciting about that?

Nothing, really, if your only goal is show off the cool things you can do with your voice. Virtuosity for virtuosity’s sake is gross. But tonight I saw virtuosity with intent - musical, dramatic, emotional, intellectual. And it was moving! Exciting! Beautiful! This seems like a no-brainer, but I’d become blinded by all the little black dots and flags. All I could see was the music. I’d completely forgotten what the music is there for.

Which leads me to the next thing I saw on that stage tonight: communication. These performers were TALKING to each other. Sharing ideas, having arguments, loving and consoling and laughing with each other. And yet not a single “word” was sung or spoken. It was all gibberish, “nonsense” syllables. But I saw more true communication between people tonight than I’ve seen on many an opera/theater stage, where there are actual words in actual languages.

This incredible openness and communication paired with virtuosity created, as you can imagine, an unparalleled performance. Truly inspiring. I was sorry it was so late when I got home, because I wanted to do nothing more than launch into “Una voce poco fa” at full volume! Tomorrow...

Oh, and another thing I took away from the concert tonight? I now have a new requirement for my future boyfriend: he must be willing to learn Monk’s Facing North with me and sing it as we walk down the street.

the concert

Family on the Road

Brave Face

Update

Better living through blogging

October

Genuine Perfection

Auditions these days

Let’s try this again

Dear David Letterman...

New Year, New Chapter, New Blog

Hiatus, part ??

Valmont Amateur Astronomy Group Recital

Success

Chart Madness

Tweetie Bird

Audition Lessons

Bet'cha didn't see THIS coming

Deep Breath

Mid-Fall Miscellany

In Room Dining

The Fun Theory

Sidebar pic

In the Night

Baby steps

Opera Journal

A singer who acts

Early Fall Miscellany

The French Connection

Split Personality

A year of Figaro

Armchair Line-Judging

New

On the “piano”

Out of Body

Susanna/h

Tonight's Program

The Bird starts tweeting

And just like that..

“Obligations”

Preview

"Dumb blonde"

Singing with a cough

Marking

Zerlina wrap-up

Why I love him

Congratulations!!

Sick

Tap, tap, tap... Is this thing on?

Bullet Points, August 08

An experiment in gratitude

Studying

Energy, given and received

Big weekend

Chapter Three

Off

Here

Pack

NAR

My own bed

The Dress

Off the wagon

Facebook

So close, so far

Things that are on my “love it” list right now, or “Gerunds”

The Hard Way

Romance

Five minutes

FriPod: Long

Lists, 2008

Level Up

Tasks on the Musical To-Do List:

Picture Pages: May 08, NYC

Bhakti Business

Flashback

Blogroll Update, Spring 08

30 Days

One good thing

Honor

Eat Food