2006 is almost over, and one place I will definitely NOT be on NYE is Times Square. Even if it weren’t supposed to be raining, I would hate to be in that crowd! Something a bit more sedate and contemplative for me this year… And, hopefully, festive, too, as I’ll spend the afternoon cheering Jay Cutler and the Broncos to a wild card spot in the playoffs (hopefully!)!!
Last year, I did a year-end recap of the concert, listing the first line of the first post of each month. When I did the exercise again this year, it didn’t quite seem to capture the magnitude of what this year has been for me.
When I think of where I was last year at this time, it feels like a lifetime ago. Living in a beautiful house in Seattle, married and starting to face the end of my marriage, uncertain about my professional future. Now, I’m in New York City, in a tiny apartment, single and dating but not “looking” (which is a really weird combination), still uncertain - but much less so now that I have a team behind me - about my career path, and about to start a job at the Big House. How can any meme capture that monstrous and substantial shift?
I’ve gone back over my writing from last year and the first part of this year, up to the hiatus, and I can sense the burgeoning change in my life as it comes through in my words. There was a patina, a layer of gloss over everything, both here on the concert and in the rest of my life. I’ve shed that now, I think, mostly, and my whole life feels more honest as a result. I’m not sure how much of that process you readers were really aware of, but thanks for being there nonetheless.
New York still doesn’t quite feel like home. In the cab on the way home from the airport, as the skyline appeared, I thought about how I’d just spent 8 days on a gig – hotel room, new instant (and some, hopefully, lasting) friendships, music-making at a very high level, shopping – then 8 days with my parents – sleeping in my sister’s room, making vegetarian versions of dishes I’ve eaten at home for years, the warmth and familiarity of my family but in a place that was never home for me, shopping – and now I’m back “home.” Except it kind of feels like I’m here for a long-term gig. Maybe I am; I have no idea what will make me stay or leave NYC. A job? A relationship? Maybe it will happen in 2007, but probably not. I’m just doing my best to stay open to the possibilities, while staying true to this new, honest way of living my life. I’m not pretending to have all the answers anymore!
Happy New Year, everybody. May 2007 find us all living our lives with honesty and love, without fear and surrounded by music!